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A Letter From the Front Lines of the War on Christmas

To All Americans in the World-
Fellow Citizens & compatriots-
I am besieged, by a thousand or more of the Republicans under Santa Claus - The War on Christmas is all but lost - The walls cannot long withstand the cannonade of feigned outrage - our flag of embattled tolerance still waves proudly from the walls - I shall never surrender or retreat.
The defeat has long been expected since the armies of commerce and Christianity joined forces, but even in our defensive posture we did not expect stores to bombard us with Christmas carols on Halloween. When the assault came, our disguised troops were ...


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