This bonus column was originally published in August of 2010.
I only make predictions that are easy. That's why they come true. I have no formula.
"If you like your health care plan, you can keep your health care plan.
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
There no longer lies any shame in obsession. Monomania reigns supreme in this country. Along with twerking. Once a month the local news features sports fans who have turned entire houses into shrines to their favorite team. We all know the conspiracy guy with his bootleg DVDs and liquid limber logic. Every neighborhood has at least one cat lady. And if you protest that your neighborhood doesn't, you may be her.
I get it.
There's a certain type of bravery taking place in the nation's 19th most populous state, whose border is about two miles from the Washington Navy Yard, scene of a horrifying mass gun attack.
Exclusive Excerpt from: "Comical Sense: A Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!" by Tom Purcell
Is the Republican Party about to jump off the cliff? No, not the fiscal cliff, the political cliff -- as in government shutdown or debt default.
There is evil in the world. In fact, there are too many examples, from Jerry Sandusky and Ariel Castro in the United States to Assad gassing civilians in Syria to Islamic terrorists killing shoppers in a Nairobi mall. You could make a list of all the evil in the world and run out of ideas before you would ever think of writing down the name of Diane Ravitch, a grandmother who has dedicated her life to protecting public schools, but don't tell that to Rep. Jared Polis, a Colorado Democrat.
Nothing clarifies the mind of politicians like a fear of defeat at the ballot box. And nothing stokes such a fear more than watching an upset happen in a supposedly blue state. So with all the bitter arguments inside the conservative movement and Republican Party over health care and budget strategy, I offer a simple plea for unity of purpose around a common cause: elect Steve Lonegan to the United States Senate in New Jersey on Wednesday, October 16.
Like millions of Americans, I've become a "Duck Dynasty" fan.
Billionaires for Cheap Labor-that's how Facebook's Chief Executive Officer Mark Zuckerberg's Washington D.C. trip should have been labeled. Zuckerberg met with Congress' most influential leaders to push for comprehensive immigration reform, suddenly his favorite cause.
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
The Idiots Against Guns in the media and Congress overdid it this time.
Talk about being in the middle of Middle America.
Illegal immigrants are the perfect Republican foe. They're easily exploited as low-cost workers benefiting business and easily maligned for being "lawless" benefiting politicians. They're a foreign other with a tendency not to speak English so suspicion is ready-made. Plus, how are illegal immigrants going to stick up for themselves? They're not. They're an ideal rival!
I've done my fair share of stupid things over my life.
I set out to write an obituary about my mother, who died Nov. 15, and was taken aback by how much she never accomplished in her 94 years.
The autumn dark is lengthening, which means the English-speaking, Judeo-Christian Holiday Season is about to split open wider than a crocodile mouth at the bottom of a baby duckling water slide. It begins with Columbus Day. No mail and the banks are closed. Much is to be said for starting slow. Then the downward hurtle is set off by Halloween, when people toss about candy, free, incognito.
Most Americans, regardless of ideology, oppose "crony capitalism" or "cronyism." Cronyism is where politicians write laws aimed at helping their favored business beneficiaries. Despite public opposition to cronyism, politicians still seek to use the legislative process to help special interests.
At least once in a lifetime every American should lay eyes on the Grand Canyon, whose brilliant colors and dazzling erosional landscape inspire a kind of planetary patriotism. Stretching 277 miles long and a mile deep, it is perhaps our nation's greatest natural treasure.
Apparently, you're pretty busy. I'm a little surprised that you have time to read the paper, frankly. And you're not alone. Only 36 percent of our countrymen bothered to vote in the midterm elections. A lot of people were busy that day.
President Obama is leaning heavily on the Federal Communications Commission (FCC), an independent agency, to change the Internet from a competitive, free-market service into a government-regulated public utility.
Did the election last week really mean that much? I took to my Twitter account on Tuesday to point out that the change in control of the Senate from Democrat to Republican actually means very little, despite efforts by politicians and the mainstream media to convince us otherwise. Yes, power shifted, I wrote. But the philosophy on Capitol Hill changed very little. The warfare/welfare state is still alive and well in Washington.
So Jonathan Gruber thinks the American people are stupid, does he?
Usually when a burning issue arises, I feel compelled to squeeze every last drop of my own phrasing, logic and wit into this limited space.
What an amazing five years this has been!
So, that was fun. One minute we're promised a half dozen toss up races to determine control of the United States Senate, and the next Democrats are ducking under their desks as Massachusetts and Maryland elected Republican governors. Let the "Very Important Pundits" take turns on cable news assigning blame for the losses. I'm more interested in why the polls didn't tell us the wave was coming.
I admit it: I feel sorry for cigarette and cigar smokers these days. But changing fashions and the results of the recent election may offer them hope.