Archive By Section - Columnists
Look for the good in American life
Memorial Day is a time for reflection about the sacrifices of the many men and women who gave it all so that we could enjoy the blessings of Liberty.
We're terrified to take time off
"Ah, summer has arrived, which means the wife and I won't be taking any vacations again!"
We have to fight for the light -- still
I had to put my newspaper down the other day after reading an article about six brave soldiers who recently joined the ranks of the "forever young" after an improvised explosive device went off in Afghanistan May 26, 2010.
Stop thinking about speanding
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Congressman Anthony Weiner allegedly tweeted a below-the-waist photo of an aroused man in his underwear to his followers and couldn't deny it was a photo of himself. Of course it was him. For decency's sake, Democrats need to keep their pants on and their cellphone cameras off whenever they're alone in their office looking at a spending bill. The White House was revealed Tuesday to have doubled ...
Summer's in the heart, not on calendar
Forget the almanac. And the calendar. Forget whatever the weatherman or the newspaper or the next-door neighbor with the hair growing out of a mole shaped like the state of Delaware on his nose told you. The true worm-hole opening to summer is not the upcoming solstice on June 21; it's the last Monday of May, Memorial Day. Memorial Day: when the world alters unalterably for every kid and teacher across the land. By now, ...
Americans could have used that money
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? FEMA asked Congress for $2 billion in extra aid money due to tornadoes, flooding and blizzards. The need makes foreign aid look silly. There are five states in the Midwest who would've gladly housed bin Laden if they knew how fast that would get you $3 billion in aid. McDonald's chairman Jim Skinner refused calls to fire Ronald McDonald at the company meeting in Chicago Friday. He ...
Pizza man moves up GOP food chain
Herman Cain is quickly moving up the Republican presidential food chain. Just weeks ago he was virtually unheard of. Now, after a stellar debate performance, and several headline-grabbing statements, people are beginning to notice the talk show host from Atlanta. Herman Cain is fiscally conservative, talks a tough talk, speaks truth to power, and has never held an elected office - something many people count as a plus. His main claim to fame up until ...
Obama is way off on Israel
"You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you." - C.S. Lewis
We need to net Netanyahu
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave a thunderous speech to a joint session of the House and Senate Tuesday. It had political consequences. Republicans immediately claimed that Bibi was born in Hawaii and anyone who doesn't believe it is a conspiracy theorist. IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn's DNA was found on the shirt of the maid who accused him of sexually assaulting her in his New York hotel ...
GOP may just “fuhgeddaboudit”
Yo, Chris Christie, governor of New Joisey, how ya doin'? What's this I'm hearin'? People are beggin' you to run for president and all you can say is "fuhgeddaboudit?" Well, you need to fuhgeddaboudDAT! Look, smart guy, you surely see what a mockery Republicans are makin' of their presidential nomination process. Yeah, it's early. But what's with Trump takin' the media for a ride? Fox News took the goof seriously. Here we got real problems, ...
It seems that we are in the Le Pew season
My only exposure to French culture as a child was Looney Tunes cartoons featuring the lecherous skunk, Pepé Le Pew.
Imagine there's no heaven
"Imagine there's no heaven/It's publicity-generating if you try." (With apologies to John Lennon).
Seniors rule, you Mickey Mousers
Can you believe they have benches? This year I had the privilege of presenting our family scholarship (Proffitt Family Scholarship) at the Russell High School senior awards ceremony. This was the first time in years I have had the opportunity to roam the hallowed halls of my alma mater. Sure, I had been back in the school for graduations and athletic events, but this was pretty much the first time I had been able to ...
It would be tough if we had a job
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? The Auto Club tried Monday to reassure Americans wracked by high gas prices and predicted that gas prices will fall 50 cents a gallon in the two weeks leading up to Memorial Day. Things aren't as bad as they could be. People would be totally unable to afford to drive to work if they had jobs. IMF president Dominique Strauss-Kahn was denied bail in New York Tuesday ...
Y'all ready for this?
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? South Carolina lawmakers introduced a bill Friday to allow gold and silver coins to be legal currency in the state as well as the dollar. It could pass. The only thing holding it back is whether the face on the coins should be Jefferson Davis or Glenn Beck. U.S. Senator Jim Inhofe saw the photos of Osama bin Laden's corpse Thursday. He said the bullet went into ...
Articles by Section - Columnists
Can I take a deduction for that?
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
Learning From the Rise and Fall of Michelle Rhee
At some point, we need to stop believing in miracles, at least in education. While we're still getting over the RICO indictments handed down in the Atlanta cheating scandal comes the revelation that the success Michelle Rhee achieved as the "no excuses" superintendent of Washington, D.C.'s public schools was the product of massive cheating. Those asking why Rhee isn't under indictment just like her former colleague in Atlanta are missing the bigger question: If she's ...
Benghazi Smoke Screen
Up until about an hour ago, most Americans thought Benghazi was the guy who palled around with John Cassavetes back in the '60s, but now it's obvious we're talking about the foreign policy arm of a multi-ramped tar pit the president has found himself swimming -- up to his armpits. Yes, friends, it's pity time at the White House.
Scandal Advice from the Master
Bill Clinton, wearing a white toga and a crown of gold, sat in a garden while attractive women fed him grapes. President Obama, having just suffered the most devastating week of his presidency, sat nearby, seeking advice in the art of telling whoppers. Using the Socratic method of teaching, Clinton began to tutor his new student.
Our zoo is famous and other local news
Tying up a few loose ends on stories that didn't make the front page:
IRS Scandal another Reason Why We Need the Fair Tax
"It will create a bureaucracy with the efficiency of the Post Office, the frugality of the Pentagon and the compassion of the IRS."– Mantra of those who opposed HillaryCare in the 1990s.
The Government Can’t Be Trusted With Our Health
"We have a large government," political consultant David Axelrod offered as a plea of ignorance to all of the scandals swirling around his boss. "Part of being president is there's so much beneath you that you can't know because the government is so vast." And yet, thanks to Axelrod and Obama, we now stand on the precipice of the largest expansion of government power in almost half a century: Obamacare, officially known as the Patient ...
Speech to the Best Graduating Class Ever
Students, faculty, family members and friends, it is my great honor to deliver your commencement speech today.
Gang of Eight: Never Have So Few Told So Many Lies
For three more weeks, the Senate Judiciary Committee will debate the Border Security, Economic Opportunity and Immigration Modernization Act, S. 744. During the 45 years I've studied Washington politics, including 25 years of editorializing on the dreary subject, I can say without hesitation that no more anti-American legislation has ever been introduced.
The Second Term Curse Crashes Down on Barack Obama
You might say that May 10, 2013 was when the "second term curse" officially struck President Barack Obama -- and that May 13 was when it flattened him. Obama's administration has been hit with a triple whammy blast from a massive political stun gun.
It’s Harvest Time in Washington
Not even Barack Obama can defy the laws of physics.
The Batty Battalion
You do realize that Washington, D.C. is not the real world, don't you? It's a state of mind. An altered state of mind. Where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Slammed when you stand and rammed when you run. Berated if you lie and lambasted for the truth. Where even the slightest of breeze can carry the pollen of disaster. And the pack on top knows the best way to avoid ...
Keep Those Catalogs Comin’
What America needs is a good Productivity Boosting Nap Pod, a device that looks like a dentist chair with a roof. As luck would have it, this 310-pound unit, that "provides optimal ergonomics for napping," is available from Hammacher Schlemmer for $16,000. Dagwood Bumstead take note.
Even the bugs are getting audited
HOLLYWOOD-Happy Wednesday, everybody, and God bless America.
