It's easy to imagine an arena full of Phish fans raising and waving their lighters to honor US Attorney General Eric Holder for suggesting the feds might help states that legalize pot by allowing dispensaries to utilize banking services. Way to go, Super AG. That's so incredibly righteous of you.
Sandy Kress, the controversial testing lobbyist, is leading a new raid on school taxes. This month he registered to lobby for Amplify, the company that wants to replace textbooks with tablet computers, positioning him to grab some of the hundreds of millions of dollars Education Sec. Arne Duncan is offering to create pre-K tests. Despite a nationwide backlash against high-stakes testing, your tax dollars are now going to developing standardized tests for 4-year-olds, and Kress is ready to cash in.
Welcome to the topsy turvy 21st century, where previous values and logic are turned upside down.
Rand Paul wants to party like it's 1998. The big question is why.
I was thinking of not doing a column this week.
While many Americans shake their heads at the feckless backsliding of our current congressional Republican leadership, legislators in a handful of states across this nation are bravely taking a stand against the National Security Agency, a behemoth of unconstitutional breaches of privacy currently recording and logging every one of your calls, emails, text messages and online chats without warrants.
Flipping through a recent issue of "Time" magazine, I discovered a wildly popular phenomenon that has somehow existed under my radar: CrossFit and similar extreme workout programs.
Get this: The government is incentivizing people to not work.
No matter who you are or where you live or what you drive or whether you thought "The English Patient" or "Anchorman 2" the funnier movie, it is time to take a stand on plastic bread. Here's a hint: most of us are against it. Formaldehyde rinsed coffee beans? Not big fans. Flame retardants in our cupcakes? That's a big old negativo, Breaker One. And pink slime should be featured in horror films, not meat.
Exclusive Excerpt from: "Comical Sense: A Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!" by Tom Purcell
We thought the big controversies in the Sochi Winter Olympics would be toothpaste terrorism or government-sanctioned homophobia. Then the press tried to check into their hotels and discovered a comical array of foibles that will do nothing to boost the Russian tourism industry. But what shocks the traveling press corps-lost hotel reservations, uncovered manholes, unsafe tap water-is nothing new to those of us who have lived in Russia.
"Income Inequality" is the current marketing slogan for rallying voters to the Democratic Party. It just isn't "fair" that some people make millions of dollars a year "doing nothing" while millions of people work hard and struggle every day to put food on the table and afford HBO.
In one courtroom were poorly prepared attorneys, shackled defendants and assembly-line justice. In another, things were all spit and polish: "yes, sir" and "thank you, ma'am."
Note: A version of this column was originally published shortly after 9/11. Since then, from time to time, it has seemed appropriate to submit it again as a way of expressing the frustration of a populace whose leaders simply will not listen to their will. I offer it again in that spirit.
In the darkest recesses of our minds we have always known that monsters exist. It is only when we are involuntarily thrust into an unfolding human tragedy that shocks our senses and devastates our hearts that we truly acknowledge their presence.
When I was a six-year-old lad lusting over the "ant farm" advertisements in 12-cent comic books, I had no idea how ahead-of-their-time those ads were.
God Bless America, and how's everybody?
After I read the news report, I popped the wine cork and praised the science gods. Alcohol consumption helps us live longer.
Welcome to a new chapter in our history, when we must now ask, "What is going on with these people who seem to get such a thrill out of posting selfies of themselves grinning alongside animals they have killed?"
"And They're Almost Off." Yes, the entrance to the 2016 Presidential Derby has officially been flung open wider than the gap between George Bernard Shaw and Pee Wee Herman. Backstage at the Bolshoi Ballet and the snack bar adjacent to the Professional Bowlers Association Hall of Fame gift shop. Horseshoes and mirrors.
Last week two prominent Ukrainian opposition figures were gunned down in broad daylight. They join as many as ten others who have been killed or committed suicide under suspicious circumstances just this year. These individuals have one important thing in common: they were either part of or friendly with the Yanukovych government, which a US-backed coup overthrew last year. They include members of the Ukrainian parliament and former chief editors of major opposition newspapers.
Pope Francis recently annoyed the Turkish government by making the politically incorrect observation that it had exterminated a generation of Christian Armenians. He used the word "genocide," which is something that the Turks have been rejecting for decades.
Should women serve in combat? Right now the military is answering that question with a final verdict scheduled to come down from Defense Secretary Ashton Carter in January 2016. This will inevitably become a political question-and thus particularly useless in producing a satisfactory answer-but until then it's useful to understand that the military sees this question differently than you and I do.
Amidst all the early GOP presidential jockeying, let's check on our Jersey boy Chris Christie. Looks like the tough-love guv surfaced this week on a radio show and ranted about reefer madness.
It's amazing how Hillary Clinton can stimulate the U.S. economy simply by announcing her candidacy for president.
Forget the joke candidacies of Rand Paul and Ted Cruz. Forget Scott Walker and his constant attempts to link himself to Reagan. Forget Jeb Bush and his deep-pocket donors. Forget Marco Rubio, the candidate of the "future" who represents the policies of yesterday. Think not about Mike Huckabee and Bobby Jindal and Ben Carson and Chris Christie and Mike Pence. Forget them all - at least for the moment.
Hillary's all in for 2016.
There is another round of Republican presidential primaries headed our way. Like before, a slew of candidates eagerly claim to be the end-all of American conservatism.
I stumbled upon my father's 1959 income tax return a few years ago. Oh, how I long for the simplicity he enjoyed when he filed his taxes that year.
Militarism and military spending are everywhere and on the rise, as the new Cold War propaganda seems to be paying off. The new "threats" that are being hyped bring big profits to military contractors and the network of think tanks they pay to produce pro-war propaganda.