HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you," declared Nietzsche.
In 2006 I came up against a holiday deadline crunch, so I turned my column over to Turpy, the beloved eight-year-old Golden Retriever/Chow mix who had turned up at our doorstep as a puppy.
Come on, Oprah.
We humans like to divide time into neat little boxes based on dates, but the case can be made that the styles, policies, manners and mores of one ten-year period usually spill over into the next.
Whew! I need to catch my breath. I can't keep up with the quickly shifting journalistic conventional wisdom.
Last week, when Bill Clinton said President Obama should allow people to keep their health-insurance coverage - an early attempt to distance Hillary and himself from ObamaCare - I began to worry that the Clintons may be serious about another run at the White House.
"The holiday turkey sure looks grand this year," Dick Cheney said. "Why don't we go around the table and say what we're thankful for?"
The heck is going on here, people? Did someone drop the flag signaling the start of the 2016 presidential election race in secret? Was there a furtive whispered "go now" left on the voice mail of all the major players in the 202 area code? Thirty-six months before the election? Is it possible to earn extra credit by skipping this one and moving right on to 2020?
Half a century ago, Sid Davis was the first journalist to learn John Kennedy had died. Instead of breaking the biggest news story in the world, he waited because he wanted to make sure he was right. It is hard to image a journalist making the same choice nowadays amid our modern cacophony of inaccurate reporting, but perhaps Davis has something to teach us.
Massachusetts Democrat Barry Greenfield is pushing for legislation to allow police to enter your home unannounced, without warrant, and take your guns.
America finally understands Obamacare.
In 1971 when Granny Tyree passed away, her belongings included a scrapbook of World War II editorial cartoons, a freezer container labeled (yum!) "strawberries" (but containing turnips!) and a little book in which she had jotted down her own poems and grandchildren's witticisms.
The universe's comedy God has answered prayers of comedians everywhere who seek a sure-fire punch line: He has given them Toronto Mayor Rob Ford. Ford has become a living unfunny joke.
The federal Healthcare.gov website, serving 36 states that chose not to build their own sites, has been - to quote its boss, Kathleen Sebelius - a "debacle." Its estimated cost to taxpayers stands at $394 million so far and will likely rise as the "tech surge" pours millions of additional taxpayer dollars into trying to fix the site. But federal taxpayers are on the hook for a sum more than 10 times greater - $4.3 billion - for state exchange websites. And some of them are even more spectacular failures than the federal site.
Late Friday night, Congress passed legislation funding the Department of Homeland Security for one week. This vote followed weeks of debate over efforts to attach a prohibition on funding President Obama's executive order granting amnesty to certain illegal immigrants to the Homeland Security funding bill.
Things have gone quiet about former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani's widely denounced comments about President Barack Obama, but that doesn't mean the controversy is history.
After huddling with his war council in Kuwait, Defense Secretary Ash Carter says we've got the "ingredients of the strategy" to achieve a "lasting defeat" over ISIS. Some Senate Republicans claim that ISIS is going to kill us all in our sleep even as the U.S.-led coalition has the Islamic State forces playing defense for a change, but killing bad guys is the relatively easy part. As we learned in Iraq and Afghanistan, the hard part is to win a peace that can last, and the strategy Carter outlined last week seems like a smart way to ...
Don't look now, but the Democratic Party is undergoing an identity crisis of such monumental proportions, the Dissociative Identity Disorder people have called and are requesting artifacts for their Hall of Fame. They're going to put Obama's basketball hoop right next to Sally Field's purple crayon.
An offensively stupid comment by influential and presumably smart people sometimes brings awareness to a subject that would otherwise be largely ignored.
Keith Olbermann should be used to this by now. Two-bit, Class B second tier provocateurs can't be terribly surprised when they're disciplined for the umpteenth time. They thrive on reaction, court controversy and have a masterful way of turning justified castigation into unjustified persecution. Among this motley crew of the mediocre, Olbermann used to be king.
We like to be kind to other people.
Well, the joke's on us. Remember during the recent "Saturday Night Live" anniversary special when Sarah Palin conducted a faux Q&A with Jerry Seinfeld? It went like this:
Some members of the legislative and executive branches of Kansas government have publicly expressed their admiration for many "things Texan." For example, they acclaim Governor Rick Perry's conservative leadership and praise Texas' lack of a state income tax. Their high regard for our southerly neighbor may explain why our legislature is considering whether Kansas should switch to Texas' system for selecting Supreme Court justices. Texas procures justices through statewide elections.
I admit it: I love the snow and the cold.
How much should the government fine people whose children are deemed by (some) well-meaning bureaucrats as "obese?"
It was one year ago last weekend that a violent coup overthrew the legally elected government of Ukraine. That coup was not only supported by U.S. and European governments -- much of it was actually planned by them. Looking back at the events that led to the overthrow it is clear that without foreign intervention Ukraine would not be in its current, seemingly hopeless situation.
My oldest son is handsome, smart, and, in the words of my old boss Ann Richards, very nearly perfect. I love him boundlessly, so it hurts me to know that his homeland has been at war for every single day of his life except for a few months in 2001 when he couldn't yet crawl. Now he's shaving, and for the first time in his life he might get to witness a real discussion about going to war.
I'd advise you to sit down, pour yourself a beer and take a deep breath. You're about to hear something that will change your life. Forever. Are you relaxed?
Are you an unsung hero? Do those you encounter not appreciate the "real" you? Must you always having the last word?