HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
At some point, we need to stop believing in miracles, at least in education. While we're still getting over the RICO indictments handed down in the Atlanta cheating scandal comes the revelation that the success Michelle Rhee achieved as the "no excuses" superintendent of Washington, D.C.'s public schools was the product of massive cheating. Those asking why Rhee isn't under indictment just like her former colleague in Atlanta are missing the bigger question: If she's an example of its success, is the theory behind market-driven education reform valid?
Up until about an hour ago, most Americans thought Benghazi was the guy who palled around with John Cassavetes back in the '60s, but now it's obvious we're talking about the foreign policy arm of a multi-ramped tar pit the president has found himself swimming -- up to his armpits. Yes, friends, it's pity time at the White House.
Bill Clinton, wearing a white toga and a crown of gold, sat in a garden while attractive women fed him grapes. President Obama, having just suffered the most devastating week of his presidency, sat nearby, seeking advice in the art of telling whoppers. Using the Socratic method of teaching, Clinton began to tutor his new student.
Tying up a few loose ends on stories that didn't make the front page:
"It will create a bureaucracy with the efficiency of the Post Office, the frugality of the Pentagon and the compassion of the IRS."– Mantra of those who opposed HillaryCare in the 1990s.
"We have a large government," political consultant David Axelrod offered as a plea of ignorance to all of the scandals swirling around his boss. "Part of being president is there's so much beneath you that you can't know because the government is so vast." And yet, thanks to Axelrod and Obama, we now stand on the precipice of the largest expansion of government power in almost half a century: Obamacare, officially known as the Patient Protection and Affordable Car e Act (PPACA).
Remember the 1996 movie, "A Time to Kill"?
Students, faculty, family members and friends, it is my great honor to deliver your commencement speech today.
For three more weeks, the Senate Judiciary Committee will debate the Border Security, Economic Opportunity and Immigration Modernization Act, S. 744. During the 45 years I've studied Washington politics, including 25 years of editorializing on the dreary subject, I can say without hesitation that no more anti-American legislation has ever been introduced.
You might say that May 10, 2013 was when the "second term curse" officially struck President Barack Obama -- and that May 13 was when it flattened him. Obama's administration has been hit with a triple whammy blast from a massive political stun gun.
Not even Barack Obama can defy the laws of physics.
You do realize that Washington, D.C. is not the real world, don't you? It's a state of mind. An altered state of mind. Where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Slammed when you stand and rammed when you run. Berated if you lie and lambasted for the truth. Where even the slightest of breeze can carry the pollen of disaster. And the pack on top knows the best way to avoid getting a face full of disaster pollen is to spread the dried residue of other exquisite catastrophes first. Ream or ...
What America needs is a good Productivity Boosting Nap Pod, a device that looks like a dentist chair with a roof. As luck would have it, this 310-pound unit, that "provides optimal ergonomics for napping," is available from Hammacher Schlemmer for $16,000. Dagwood Bumstead take note.
HOLLYWOOD-Happy Wednesday, everybody, and God bless America.
If more Americans were self-employed independent contractors, the country would soar.
"Ewww!" said my wife, when I told her that BrandsOnSale.com is marketing leftover "Breaking Bad" meth lab hazmat suits as Ebola Containment Suits this Halloween, at $79.99 a pop.
Everything you need to know about Bruce Braley was made clear by the candidate himself in a thirty-seven second video of him speaking to his real constituents - his fellow trial lawyers - at a fundraiser in Texas.
Let's take a break from our Ebola freakout and debate something a bit more benign - like word usage. For instance, why do we keep using czar?
How much would you borrow to buy something that you would never use and might kill you and everyone around you? If we're talking about Uncle Sam's outdated and useless nuclear arsenal, the price tag is $1.1 trillion. A better-and cheaper-idea might be doing what Barack Obama, Ronald Reagan and a host of others wanted to do in the first place: Get rid of nuclear weapons.
Former Clinton Administration Labor Secretary Robert Reich recently called on the government to force young people to spend two years either "serving" in the military or performing some other type of government-directed "community service." Neoconservative Senator John McCain has introduced legislation creating a mandatory national service program very similar to Reich's proposal. It is not surprising that both a prominent progressive and a leading neocon would support mandatory national service, as this is an issue that has long united authoritarians on the left and right.
Arrogance doesn't sit well with most Americans for very long.
"Politicize" is a jab meaning the other side is trying to capitalize on a news topic. "The Republicans have tried to politicize the border crisis," says Nancy Pelosi. Reince Priebus says Democrats are trying to politicize Benghazi. Jay Carney says Republicans are trying to politicize Benghazi. Steny Hoyer says Republicans are trying to politicize the VA scandal. Rush Limbaugh says Democrats politicize EVERYTHING.
Add Ebola to our long and growing list of federal screw-ups.
In what has been a season of jaw-dropping news, the largest bombshell seems like it was ripped from the pages of Mad Magazine.
A garment that has elicited a lot of wolf whistles is turning 75 years old.
More secret money is being pumped into politics than ever before. For that ignominious milestone, we can thank Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts and his four Republican-appointed pals.
I'm starting to feel bad for President Obama, if you want to know the truth.
Race is one of those subjects that never seems to simmer down.
As America waits, ever patiently, for the economic recovery to trickle down to the rest of us, at least we won't have to worry about Kevin Cramer. This former radio host has figured out a way to get a piece of the pie not just for himself but for many of his relatives as well. Unfortunately, he's cashing in because he's a congressman, so his method probably won't work for us poor slobs who have to work for a living.