Archive By Section - Columnists
Just where is the cruise control?
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Carnival Cruise liner Triumph landed in Mobile Thursday with sewage overflowing everywhere. What a mess. Carnival Cruises explained they had no idea Gallagher had moved on from smashing watermelons to clubbing low-flush toilets when they booked him. Russia was struck by a meteor Thursday that was televised descending from the sky and exploding over the tundra. It caused a minor earthquake. The meteor didn't dare land in ...
The Red Rebs
Relax. It's not necessarily the flu making you confused and feverish. Could be spatter from that big, thick, juicy, new, improved Civil War infecting the Republican Party. Yes, again. The Rebs inside the Reds are rebooting themselves for the umpteenth time over the past few election cycles. Have to assume these self-proclaimed frugal guys purchased their huge caches of defibrillators and CPR paddles in bulk. "CLEAR!"
State of the Union: Failure
Our failure in chief gave us his annual blurred vision of America again Tuesday night. Based on his State of the Union message, Barack Obama's eyesight is as ideologically impaired as ever. Despite four years of failure, he still sees only one road America can go down to regain its economic health. Not down the capitalist road of free enterprise and liberty that made us the richest country in history. He wants to continue down ...
Voluntary Retirement: Can You Take A Hint?
With an editorial titled "Pope Sets Example For Other Aging Leaders," USA Today tried laying a major guilt trip on the nation's authority figures.
Horsing Around with Europe’s Beef Supply
Beef contaminated with horsemeat has sparked a multi-nation controversy in Europe. It's no secret that the French have long been galloping gourmets. Gobbling horsemeat there dates back to the country's 18th century revolution, when rich folks' horses began to fill food supply gaps. Today horsemeat is still found in many stores there. The French's appetite for it has declined. But party goers in the United Kingdom would be utterly sickened if they discovered they ate ...
For Presidents Day — George Washington Makeover
"What do you mean America's youth don't know who George Washington was?"
Obama’s gone Jack Bauer on us
The Obama administration seems to have gone Jack Bauer on us, which would be okay if we were just talking about non-American enemy combatants on some far-flung battlefield.
At least there’s one job up for grabs
HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody? Bill Maher was sued for joking that Donald Trump is the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan. It's not a slam dunk. There is a constitutional question over whether a joke can be considered slander, but the orangutan considers it a matter of honor. The Grammy Awards were televised from Los Angeles Sunday featuring superb song performances. However, these awards shows can get too self-congratulatory. It ...
The Cut Is in the Mail
It's Nixon's fault. I speak of the financial woes of the U.S. Postal Service, and the news last week that its hopes to cut Saturday mail delivery to save a few billion dollars a year. As it goes, President Nixon, tired of strikes by then-government postal workers, signed the Postal Reorganization Act into law in 1971. It established the Postal Service as a quasi-private organization required to pay its own bills with revenue it earns ...
So God Made A Farmer: The Sequel
Yes, the Dodge trucks commercial using the late Paul Harvey's 1978 speech "So God Made A Farmer" resonated with millions of viewers and was voted one of the most popular Super Bowl spots; but "the rest of the story" is not so pretty.
Obama Skeets the Truth
"I do skeet shooting." Of course you do, Mr. President. "I do skeet shooting all the time." Which is why skeet shooters (not "doers" of skeet or "skeeters" as you call them) took a quick look at your photo and noted your aim is straight ahead, not upward where the clay target would be. They also noticed you're pictured using a gun designed for trap shooting, wearing dark sunglasses on a cloudy day, holding the ...
Pedophilia is the Problem
The bosses of the Boy Scouts of America surprised everyone this week by postponing their decision on whether to allow gay leaders and gay Scouts to join their ranks.
Left and right are not opposite equals
Are the left and the right in this country pretty much the same except for ideology? Are liberals and conservatives basically two sides of the same coin? One side you have one opinion, the other side an opposing view. Are the parties in America symmetrical?
Do not pass go
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Hasbro announced a new board piece for Monopoly on Thursday. They've replaced the iron with a cat. They were going to replace the top hat with a tiny statue of Mitt Romney, but it throws the game off because the person with the most money doesn't win. Thailand protested a Saturday Night Live skit in which creepy guys learn Thai in a language class so they can ...
America’s ‘Johnny Two Note’ Hate and Minutia Political Culture
Is America unstoppably careening towards hate and minutia-filled politics as it moves further into the 21st century?
Articles by Section - Columnists
Keep Those Catalogs Comin’
What America needs is a good Productivity Boosting Nap Pod, a device that looks like a dentist chair with a roof. As luck would have it, this 310-pound unit, that "provides optimal ergonomics for napping," is available from Hammacher Schlemmer for $16,000. Dagwood Bumstead take note.
Even the bugs are getting audited
HOLLYWOOD-Happy Wednesday, everybody, and God bless America.
Obama Agenda Undermines Medical Innovation
Alzheimer's Disease costs the U.S. economy over $200 billion per year, about $140 billion of which is a direct federal budgetary cost to Medicare and Medicaid. On our present course, this cost will quintuple to $1 trillion by 2050. It is the major driver up the steeply rising health care cost curve. Given this context, the most important question for health policy is not the green eyeshade question of who-pays-how-much that has come to dominate ...
Welfare on Mars?
HOLLYWOOD-Happy Tuesday, everybody, and God bless America.
Learn from History
History is one of our greatest teachers.
Do We Still Need the Department of Education?
When executives of corporations are caught aiding and abetting criminal behavior of their employees, the executives are prosecuted and the businesses are destroyed.
American pravda, a nation of lawbreakers and Benghazigate
Louis Brandeis, who served on the United States Supreme Court from 1916 to 1939, once warned, "Our government teaches the whole people by its example. If the government becomes the lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law; it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy."
Limbaugh, Kurtz and the Bum’s Rush
Big news for those who think there aren't consequences in our media when professional talkers cross the line, or when famous reporters mess up and don't fix their mistakes without qualification, or do so begrudgingly. We now see proof of the law of consequences.
Did something happen in Benghazi?
HOLLYWOOD--God bless America, and how's everybody?
