Archive By Section - Columnists
And the game is underway
BEVERLY HILLS - God bless America, and how's everybody? Time magazine's cover story on NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell floated the idea of replacing the kickoff. During kickoff, three-hundred-pound men crash into each other sprinting at full speed. It is so violent that Bob Costas just suggested they use guns instead. Mercedes-Benz announced Thursday its engineers have developed a new technology that might allow drivers to look at Facebook on the windshield while they are driving. ...
Restoring Confidence
Help us, we're falling and we can't get up again. Once upon a time -- in 1988 and 1998 to be exact -- the United States was the best country for a baby to be born and raised in, at least according to The Economist magazine. But the 2013 edition of the magazine's "where-to-be-born" index has us down at No. 16 -- tied with Germany and one spot ahead of the United Arab Emirates. Switzerland, ...
What to wear when -and if- Cliff arrives
I won a jackpot on Thanksgiving. I didn't even have to pay a buck to do it either--who says you have to play to win? We visited mom, now retired for two years this New Years Eve. As it turns out, she's taken to retirement very well, and plans to make a career of it. Because of this, her wardrobe needs have changed slightly, which is where my jackpot comes in.
Pearl Harbor Day
Dear Editor, Seventy-one years ago, the morning of Dec. 7, the sky over Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, was filled with Japanese planes. When the last of attacking aircraft rejoined the Japanese fleet, 1,178 lay wounded and 2,403 lay dead or dying. A great portion of the U.S. Pacific fleet was in shambles. Thus began America's entry into World War II--five years that changed the world. The United States returned from World War II as the world's ...
Syria and Chemical Weapons: An Unmovable Line in the Sand?
Are we seeing the beginning of the end of Syria's detestable Bashar-al Assad regime -- or the beginning of a new international crisis swirling around it? Or both?
Secular Humanists Bid All ‘A Merry un-Christmas’
That "most wonderful time of the year" has arrived, and with it, most predictably, another round of attacks (yawn) by Secular Humanists doing their best to destroy the season by removing the Christ child from the crèche.
Obama and Democrats Should Support STEM Jobs Act
The Republican controlled U.S. House of Representatives by a bi-partisan vote of 245-139, has passed the STEM Jobs Act which makes 55,000 additional immigrant visas available to foreigners who have earned advanced degrees from U.S. universities in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM), to whom U.S. employers have offered jobs. Twenty-seven Democrats joined 218 Republicans in supporting the bill. Five Republicans joined 134 Democrats in voting "no".
Obama Offers More of the Wrong Medicine for Medicare
The latest fiscal cliff plan from President Obama promised $400 billion in entitlement savings. An analysis by the Washington Post of the likely composition of those "savings" showed that nearly half of those cuts would come from requiring prescription drug rebates in Medicare. That would be a huge mistake for the country's fiscal and physical health.
That smells like romance
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Buckingham Palace reported Kate Middleton is pregnant Monday after she checked into the hospital with morning sickness. The paparazzi are scrambling. The sonogram alone could command the most money for a baby since the Yankees signed Alex Rodriguez. Journal Psychology released a study Monday showing that the prime determinant in attracting a successful relationship is the sense of smell. There's no question that it is true. This ...
Christmas Tree Shopping with Dad
It was one of my favorite rituals every year. One evening after dinner - a few weeks after Thanksgiving - my father and I would shop for a Christmas tree. My father wore his rattiest coat as he prepared to do battle with strangers who would attempt to part him from precious family resources. He instructed me to remain silent as he executed his negotiation strategy - one he'd refined and perfected over the years ...
Fiscal Cliff Traffic Report
"So, expect showers and gale-force winds over the next couple of days and don't forget that high-surf advisory is in effect throughout the weekend. We may even see some downed power lines and scattered looting. That's the weather here on Capitol Hill -- now let's go to Brandon with your Congressional traffic report."
Dial an exorcism
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? The Powerball jackpot reached six hundred million dollars Thursday as the winning numbers were drawn from the hopper. Lotto fever gripped the nation. A convenience store owner in Los Angeles scratched the red dot off his wife's forehead and won 10 grand. The Vatican set up a toll free phone number Friday for Catholics to call who need an exorcism performed. It's today's world. People feel like ...
Republican Suckers
Republicans had better learn from history -- and from Ronald Reagan's mistake. President Obama and his fellow big-spenders in Congress are promising if they get higher tax rates today they'll make even higher spending cuts tomorrow. It's an old sucker's game. Republicans -- and the rest of the country -- should know it by now, because for three decades we've all been suckers. If history is our guide, and Republicans in Congress don't grow a ...
What do Egypt and the BCS have in common?
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Cairo streets filled with 200,000 protesters against President Morsi's power grab Tuesday. It's tottering. President Morsi is a USC graduate, and USC alums couldn't live with themselves if they lost to Notre Dame and democracy in the same week. Las Vegas unveiled plans for an 11-story-high thrill ride that's shaped like a slot machine. It spits riders out and zings them over five-block zip line over the ...
Are Democratic Moles Still at Work in the GOP?
This is happening as you read it: To: Bob Shrum, James Carville, Ed Schultz and Democratic National Committee Staff From: Howard Schmidlap, President Political Sandbaggers Corp, Oriskiny Falls, N.Y. RE: We may face bigger challenges from GOP now (but probably not). First, kudos again to all of you for being such great "moles" and embedding yourselves in the GOP Presidential campaign. It helped Romney and the Republican Party take such a huge fall. The only ...
Articles by Section - Columnists
Why I’m Thankful in 2013
As I have done at Thanksgiving for many years, I want to proclaim some of the things for which I am thankful on this uniquely American holiday.
Common Core - a Failure Democrats and Republicans Can Agree On
It's not every day that Democrats and Republicans get to shake their fist in the same direction. That honor goes to Education Secretary Arne Duncan whose insult against "white, suburban moms" whose "child isn't as brilliant as they thought they were" has sparked outrage from the tea party to teachers unions-not to mention the PTA moms who are heavily invested in their children's schooling. Sec. Duncan is still walking back his remarks, but if a ...
Celebrate Your Family
The saying, "A picture is worth 1000 words" is so true. In the case of my four month old grandson, we have a book started. Still nothing compares to actually holding, squeezing his chubby legs, or getting Bob to laugh out loud. As we enter the holiday season, families across the country hardly need a reminder that November 24th through the 30th is designated as National Family Week.
That could make an awkward family reunion
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody?
You Can Keep Your Lie If You Want To
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you," declared Nietzsche.
Thanksgiving Goes To The Dogs
In 2006 I came up against a holiday deadline crunch, so I turned my column over to Turpy, the beloved eight-year-old Golden Retriever/Chow mix who had turned up at our doorstep as a puppy.
