Up until about an hour ago, most Americans thought Benghazi was the guy who palled around with John Cassavetes back in the '60s, but now it's obvious we're talking about the foreign policy arm of a multi-ramped tar pit the president has found himself swimming -- up to his armpits. Yes, friends, it's pity time at the White House.
Bill Clinton, wearing a white toga and a crown of gold, sat in a garden while attractive women fed him grapes. President Obama, having just suffered the most devastating week of his presidency, sat nearby, seeking advice in the art of telling whoppers. Using the Socratic method of teaching, Clinton began to tutor his new student.
Tying up a few loose ends on stories that didn't make the front page:
"It will create a bureaucracy with the efficiency of the Post Office, the frugality of the Pentagon and the compassion of the IRS."– Mantra of those who opposed HillaryCare in the 1990s.
"We have a large government," political consultant David Axelrod offered as a plea of ignorance to all of the scandals swirling around his boss. "Part of being president is there's so much beneath you that you can't know because the government is so vast." And yet, thanks to Axelrod and Obama, we now stand on the precipice of the largest expansion of government power in almost half a century: Obamacare, officially known as the Patient Protection and Affordable Car e Act (PPACA).
Remember the 1996 movie, "A Time to Kill"?
Students, faculty, family members and friends, it is my great honor to deliver your commencement speech today.
For three more weeks, the Senate Judiciary Committee will debate the Border Security, Economic Opportunity and Immigration Modernization Act, S. 744. During the 45 years I've studied Washington politics, including 25 years of editorializing on the dreary subject, I can say without hesitation that no more anti-American legislation has ever been introduced.
You might say that May 10, 2013 was when the "second term curse" officially struck President Barack Obama -- and that May 13 was when it flattened him. Obama's administration has been hit with a triple whammy blast from a massive political stun gun.
Not even Barack Obama can defy the laws of physics.
You do realize that Washington, D.C. is not the real world, don't you? It's a state of mind. An altered state of mind. Where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Slammed when you stand and rammed when you run. Berated if you lie and lambasted for the truth. Where even the slightest of breeze can carry the pollen of disaster. And the pack on top knows the best way to avoid getting a face full of disaster pollen is to spread the dried residue of other exquisite catastrophes first. Ream or ...
What America needs is a good Productivity Boosting Nap Pod, a device that looks like a dentist chair with a roof. As luck would have it, this 310-pound unit, that "provides optimal ergonomics for napping," is available from Hammacher Schlemmer for $16,000. Dagwood Bumstead take note.
HOLLYWOOD-Happy Wednesday, everybody, and God bless America.
Alzheimer's Disease costs the U.S. economy over $200 billion per year, about $140 billion of which is a direct federal budgetary cost to Medicare and Medicaid. On our present course, this cost will quintuple to $1 trillion by 2050. It is the major driver up the steeply rising health care cost curve. Given this context, the most important question for health policy is not the green eyeshade question of who-pays-how-much that has come to dominate questions of health care policy in Washington, but rather: How do we maximize the incentives for medical innovation to cure diseases that would ...
HOLLYWOOD-Happy Tuesday, everybody, and God bless America.
If you're reading this, I'm sorry I didn't get your name, but I wish to thank you for returning the cellphone I left in your taxi. Moreover, I want to explain how you and several others at LAX provided a refresher course in good nature.
Exclusive Excerpt from: "Comical Sense: A Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!" by Tom Purcell
So what does the Tea Party want this fall?
Tyrades! By Danny Tyree
God bless America, and how's everybody?
A global survey of 68 countries (including our allies) at the end of 2013 conducted by Gallup and the Worldwide Independent Network now rates America as the biggest threat to world peace on the planet. Pakistan was the runner up, closely followed by China. Afghanistan, Iran, Israel and North Korea are equally tied for fourth place.
If you have a seventh grader, then you know that he or she just got done taking a standardized test for writing. The good news is our country's education policy recognizes writing is a necessary skill in the information era. The bad news is because of the way we administer and grade the writing standardized tests, we'd have a better idea of whether our kids can write if we looked at their texts.
According to a new UN report, there's good news and bad news about global warming. The good news- it's worse than we thought. Yeah. That's the good news. The bad news- you don't want to know. Because then there's worse news and ultimately, "holy moley, is that an asteroid the size of a mini-mall crushing my house" news.