Here are some suggested New Year's resolutions for some folks, parties and companies:
Heckuva job with that rebranding, Republicans. They started 2013 hoping to rejoin modern America but ended it once again on the wrong side of history. By embracing Phil Robertson's prejudice against gays and blacks and rebuffing Pope Francis' call for economic justice, Republicans have made it clear that they would rather hold onto unchristian religious views than make the changes needed to win national elections again.
President Obama, despondent over his low poll numbers and the lack of trust many Americans have for him and his policies, did something drastic. He met with the psychic medium who once helped Hillary Clinton contact the spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt. With the medium's help, Obama summoned the only presence in America who could help him: Richard Milhous Nixon.
It's time for our New Year's resolutions. The most popular ones include losing weight, getting out of debt, drinking less and reducing stress. Experts say 95% of these are broken by January 8. But enough of me. What follows are my resolutions/wishes for other people.
Happy New Year, everybody, and God bless America.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. And finally over. Thank the maker. Because if The Little Drummer Boy was played within my immediate vicinity one more time, somebody was going to have a bacon-flavored candy cane crammed into an orifice that doesn't naturally accommodate candy canes. Bacon or otherwise.
When I was a student, I loathed the make-work project of painstakingly erasing all my pencil marks from my textbooks at the end of the school year (especially since the next year I would inevitably inherit textbooks whose previous user's markings had spontaneously regenerated), but future scholars may be spared such drudgery.
Humanitarian Nelson Mandela. Actor Peter O'Toole. Novelist Tom Clancy. Interviewer David Frost. Actress Julie Harris. Senator Harry Byrd Jr.
Despite the fact that he has more academic alphabet soup behind his name than anyone else I know, including a doctorate in education, my baby brother often surprises me with the breadth of his common sense and the depth of his wisdom. A few years ago, I gave him a plaque bearing a quote from Mark Twain. It read: "I have never allowed my schooling to interfere with my education." He hung it on the wall of his office. I attribute this humility to my brother's Christian faith, his conservative political philosophy (on most things), and from not taking ...
There's a reason why only 8 percent of New Year's resolutions are kept: Too many of us make resolutions that lack resolve.
The NSA isn't inherently evil. Serious people track serious threats to the lives of millions of Americans every day. This is not why the NSA needs to be disbanded.
In this season of fighting over the true meaning of the season, I offer my short (and admittedly incomplete) list of things which could make the world a better place all year round:
As the new year approaches, many of us in the dimly lit brotherhood of computer clumsoids (and our number is legion) feel the sharp prod of IT experts who blow themselves blue encouraging we Luddites to change passwords once a year like smoke alarm batteries or high school girlfriends or underwear on "Duck Dynasty." And you know what that means: time for one more slippery descent into the bowels of Password Hell.
Thanks to New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, the charitable arm of testing giant Pearson will pay $7.7 million to end his investigation into whether it was illegally helping its for-profit parent company. This comes as a shock to Texans, where Pearson has an eye-popping $462-million testing contract, as opposed to New York where Pearson is only getting $32 million. The surprise isn't that a special interest cut corners at taxpayers expense but that a state attorney general can investigate it. It's simply not done here, but then again, why isn't Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott ...
To All Americans in the World-
As the controversy builds over anything and everything relating to Barack Obama, many Republicans have come to believe that their party will prosper as a result.
Since 9/11, 34 people have been killed in America by Islamic jihadist terrorists.
God Bless America and how's everybody?
Like blaming a rape victim for her "provocative dress," many press pundits blame the Charlie Hebdo cartoonists (and the Danish cartoonists before them) for crossing "red lines," and inviting trouble. In the past few days the small community of American editorial cartoonists have been getting calls from their local media, asking for comments about self-censorship and what subjects we should be forbidden to draw in a free society.
Usually over the period of 12 months, you get an equal balance of good days and bad. On the playground of the cosmos, the scales tend to balance out. But holey moley catfish, seems like last year the good days spent the bulk of recess time hiding behind the equipment shed next to the monkey bars, and the teeter totter hardly moved what with that fat punk-bad days, grounded on his end of the board throwing rocks at squirrels.
The terrorist massacre in Paris was a fundamental assault on freedom of expression. Everyone who thinks freely, writes freely, draws freely, and snarks freely knows what it was about.
A funny thing happened on the way to a news story: ABC and NBC were again distracted by friendly noise from fellow leftwing travelers.