President Obama, despondent over his low poll numbers and the lack of trust many Americans have for him and his policies, did something drastic. He met with the psychic medium who once helped Hillary Clinton contact the spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt. With the medium's help, Obama summoned the only presence in America who could help him: Richard Milhous Nixon.
It's time for our New Year's resolutions. The most popular ones include losing weight, getting out of debt, drinking less and reducing stress. Experts say 95% of these are broken by January 8. But enough of me. What follows are my resolutions/wishes for other people.
Happy New Year, everybody, and God bless America.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. And finally over. Thank the maker. Because if The Little Drummer Boy was played within my immediate vicinity one more time, somebody was going to have a bacon-flavored candy cane crammed into an orifice that doesn't naturally accommodate candy canes. Bacon or otherwise.
When I was a student, I loathed the make-work project of painstakingly erasing all my pencil marks from my textbooks at the end of the school year (especially since the next year I would inevitably inherit textbooks whose previous user's markings had spontaneously regenerated), but future scholars may be spared such drudgery.
Humanitarian Nelson Mandela. Actor Peter O'Toole. Novelist Tom Clancy. Interviewer David Frost. Actress Julie Harris. Senator Harry Byrd Jr.
Despite the fact that he has more academic alphabet soup behind his name than anyone else I know, including a doctorate in education, my baby brother often surprises me with the breadth of his common sense and the depth of his wisdom. A few years ago, I gave him a plaque bearing a quote from Mark Twain. It read: "I have never allowed my schooling to interfere with my education." He hung it on the wall of his office. I attribute this humility to my brother's Christian faith, his conservative political philosophy (on most things), and from not taking ...
There's a reason why only 8 percent of New Year's resolutions are kept: Too many of us make resolutions that lack resolve.
The NSA isn't inherently evil. Serious people track serious threats to the lives of millions of Americans every day. This is not why the NSA needs to be disbanded.
In this season of fighting over the true meaning of the season, I offer my short (and admittedly incomplete) list of things which could make the world a better place all year round:
As the new year approaches, many of us in the dimly lit brotherhood of computer clumsoids (and our number is legion) feel the sharp prod of IT experts who blow themselves blue encouraging we Luddites to change passwords once a year like smoke alarm batteries or high school girlfriends or underwear on "Duck Dynasty." And you know what that means: time for one more slippery descent into the bowels of Password Hell.
Thanks to New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, the charitable arm of testing giant Pearson will pay $7.7 million to end his investigation into whether it was illegally helping its for-profit parent company. This comes as a shock to Texans, where Pearson has an eye-popping $462-million testing contract, as opposed to New York where Pearson is only getting $32 million. The surprise isn't that a special interest cut corners at taxpayers expense but that a state attorney general can investigate it. It's simply not done here, but then again, why isn't Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott ...
To All Americans in the World-
Will they get their own house in order in time to take control of the Senate in 2014 and the White House in 2016?
If one of your resolutions for 2014 was to use more antimicrobial soap, your plans might be all washed up.
Brian Williams probably isn't a liar. Based on recent revelations, amplifications and clarifications, he appears to be a serial exaggerator.
Ah, the middle of February. We all know what that means: Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue has arrived.
Barack Obama is living in his own dream world.
Just guessing here, but I imagine forecasters at the Weather Channel are embarrassed about having to give winter storms names like "Juno," "Kari" and "Linus." Juno is what they called the almost-big one that hit the Northeast in late January. My radar says marketing gurus, not meteorologists, are behind this nonsense.
The full-court press is on from every organ of enlightened liberal opinion: the Supreme Court must not decide this term's big Obamacare case, King v. Burwell, on the actual legal merits, which are a slam-dunk for the plaintiffs. Instead, supporters of the government want the case decided on the consequences of the Court stopping the flow of illegal subsidies. And they want to ignore the fact that stopping the subsidies will actually free millions of people in opt-out states from the individual and employer mandates. They only want to talk about people who would lose subsidies.
If I were still a practicing ob-gyn and one of my patients said she was not going to vaccinate her child, I might try to persuade her to change her mind. But, if I were unsuccessful, I would respect her decision. I certainly would not lobby the government to pass a law mandating that children be vaccinated even if the children's parents object. Sadly, the recent panic over the outbreak of measles has led many Americans, including some self-styled libertarians, to call for giving government new powers to force all children to be vaccinated.
With Valentine's Day upon us, female readers are again pummeling me with questions on how to woo the modern male.