God bless America, and how's everybody?
(Sigh.) And so we see another example of a cable political personality's previous branding bite the dust. Another apology. Another brand altered.
"Congratulations, Mr. Obama, sequestration has been your most successful federal program!"
Farewell, old friend. I am going to miss you.
Just before Christmas, the Obama administration issued a blanket waiver for millions of Americans from the individual mandate requiring purchase of government-approved health insurance. The waiver, whose announcement was choreographed to give political credit to Democratic Senator Mark Warner of Virginia, was limited to individuals and families whose health plans were canceled by Obamacare. As Washington Post liberal blogger Ezra Klein put it: "Obamacare itself is the hardship" that qualifies cancelees for a hardship exemption.
Despite what some called "Obama's worst year ever" and what everyone agreed was terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Obamacare rollout, Barack Obama's job approval rating has bounced back out of the 30s and into the mid-40s-not great, but neither the inexorable slide into oblivion that many predicted. Once again, the reports of Obama's political death have been greatly exaggerated, begging the question as to why pundits seem so eager to pronounce his last rites.
"My cat knows how to turn the faucet in the upstairs bathroom and I believe she ran the water for nine hours while I was out."
Because things are not going well for liberals who have driven the Democrat Party out of the American mainstream, I thought it would be helpful to come up with a list of suggestions for them to consider in 2014. So here goes:
Unless you're talking to time travelers or the severely inebriated, please do not use the phrase "This is 2014" this year.
Here are some suggested New Year's resolutions for some folks, parties and companies:
Heckuva job with that rebranding, Republicans. They started 2013 hoping to rejoin modern America but ended it once again on the wrong side of history. By embracing Phil Robertson's prejudice against gays and blacks and rebuffing Pope Francis' call for economic justice, Republicans have made it clear that they would rather hold onto unchristian religious views than make the changes needed to win national elections again.
President Obama, despondent over his low poll numbers and the lack of trust many Americans have for him and his policies, did something drastic. He met with the psychic medium who once helped Hillary Clinton contact the spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt. With the medium's help, Obama summoned the only presence in America who could help him: Richard Milhous Nixon.
It's time for our New Year's resolutions. The most popular ones include losing weight, getting out of debt, drinking less and reducing stress. Experts say 95% of these are broken by January 8. But enough of me. What follows are my resolutions/wishes for other people.
Happy New Year, everybody, and God bless America.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. And finally over. Thank the maker. Because if The Little Drummer Boy was played within my immediate vicinity one more time, somebody was going to have a bacon-flavored candy cane crammed into an orifice that doesn't naturally accommodate candy canes. Bacon or otherwise.
Hide your wallets and shield the children, because they're voting down in Texas. Texas Republicans will be testing the strength of the Tea Party as they pick their first post-Rick Perry slate of statewide candidates since the 1980s. But Texas Democrats might end up missing Perry, as there is a decent shot that Republicans will nominate not their best-qualified, most-electable candidates but an entire clown car full of crazypants.
Hollywood and Washington: Both entertaining, often boring and far too often irresponsible.
For all those who have spent the last couple of months shoveling out a car, you should know we're at the tail end of awards season. And best be advised to hunker in a bunker wearing a Kevlar overcoat, because gold plated statues are being tossed about like air kisses at a gown fitting. Like clouds of bathroom hair spray during Oscar nominee luncheons. Like jaded eyes at a press screening of "Transformers 4."
Is Bill Clinton still president?
Is the United States inevitably on the path to Hillaryland?
According to the Los Angeles Times, California state Senator Bill Monning on February 13 introduced a controversial bill that could make California the first state in the nation to require prominent health warnings (about obesity, diabetes and tooth decay) on sugary drinks.
Let's keep it together, people.
The passing of Sid Caesar, a comedic genius if ever such a term could be used without fear of hyperbole, reminds us that television once had what its fans considered a Golden Age.
Exclusive Excerpt from: "Comical Sense: A Lone Humorist Takes on a World Gone Nutty!" by Tom Purcell