Because things are not going well for liberals who have driven the Democrat Party out of the American mainstream, I thought it would be helpful to come up with a list of suggestions for them to consider in 2014. So here goes:
Unless you're talking to time travelers or the severely inebriated, please do not use the phrase "This is 2014" this year.
Here are some suggested New Year's resolutions for some folks, parties and companies:
Heckuva job with that rebranding, Republicans. They started 2013 hoping to rejoin modern America but ended it once again on the wrong side of history. By embracing Phil Robertson's prejudice against gays and blacks and rebuffing Pope Francis' call for economic justice, Republicans have made it clear that they would rather hold onto unchristian religious views than make the changes needed to win national elections again.
President Obama, despondent over his low poll numbers and the lack of trust many Americans have for him and his policies, did something drastic. He met with the psychic medium who once helped Hillary Clinton contact the spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt. With the medium's help, Obama summoned the only presence in America who could help him: Richard Milhous Nixon.
It's time for our New Year's resolutions. The most popular ones include losing weight, getting out of debt, drinking less and reducing stress. Experts say 95% of these are broken by January 8. But enough of me. What follows are my resolutions/wishes for other people.
Happy New Year, everybody, and God bless America.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. And finally over. Thank the maker. Because if The Little Drummer Boy was played within my immediate vicinity one more time, somebody was going to have a bacon-flavored candy cane crammed into an orifice that doesn't naturally accommodate candy canes. Bacon or otherwise.
When I was a student, I loathed the make-work project of painstakingly erasing all my pencil marks from my textbooks at the end of the school year (especially since the next year I would inevitably inherit textbooks whose previous user's markings had spontaneously regenerated), but future scholars may be spared such drudgery.
Humanitarian Nelson Mandela. Actor Peter O'Toole. Novelist Tom Clancy. Interviewer David Frost. Actress Julie Harris. Senator Harry Byrd Jr.
Despite the fact that he has more academic alphabet soup behind his name than anyone else I know, including a doctorate in education, my baby brother often surprises me with the breadth of his common sense and the depth of his wisdom. A few years ago, I gave him a plaque bearing a quote from Mark Twain. It read: "I have never allowed my schooling to interfere with my education." He hung it on the wall of his office. I attribute this humility to my brother's Christian faith, his conservative political philosophy (on most things), and from not taking ...
There's a reason why only 8 percent of New Year's resolutions are kept: Too many of us make resolutions that lack resolve.
The NSA isn't inherently evil. Serious people track serious threats to the lives of millions of Americans every day. This is not why the NSA needs to be disbanded.
In this season of fighting over the true meaning of the season, I offer my short (and admittedly incomplete) list of things which could make the world a better place all year round:
As the new year approaches, many of us in the dimly lit brotherhood of computer clumsoids (and our number is legion) feel the sharp prod of IT experts who blow themselves blue encouraging we Luddites to change passwords once a year like smoke alarm batteries or high school girlfriends or underwear on "Duck Dynasty." And you know what that means: time for one more slippery descent into the bowels of Password Hell.
It's kind of sad being forced to watch the death struggle of these modern-day dinosaurs. Responsible parents should keep their kids from peering over the Plexiglas railing into the tar pits below to see the huge lumbering antediluvian beasts frenziedly dig themselves deeper into the sticky morass that is gay marriage. Not a sight for the queasy or squeamish.
I'll tell you a little story about Bob Simon, the veteran CBS News correspondent who was killed Wednesday night in a car crash after having survived innumerable wars over five decades.
Brian Williams probably isn't a liar. Based on recent revelations, amplifications and clarifications, he appears to be a serial exaggerator.
Ah, the middle of February. We all know what that means: Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue has arrived.
Barack Obama is living in his own dream world.