Archive By Section - Columnists
Americans could have used that money
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? FEMA asked Congress for $2 billion in extra aid money due to tornadoes, flooding and blizzards. The need makes foreign aid look silly. There are five states in the Midwest who would've gladly housed bin Laden if they knew how fast that would get you $3 billion in aid. McDonald's chairman Jim Skinner refused calls to fire Ronald McDonald at the company meeting in Chicago Friday. He ...
Pizza man moves up GOP food chain
Herman Cain is quickly moving up the Republican presidential food chain. Just weeks ago he was virtually unheard of. Now, after a stellar debate performance, and several headline-grabbing statements, people are beginning to notice the talk show host from Atlanta. Herman Cain is fiscally conservative, talks a tough talk, speaks truth to power, and has never held an elected office - something many people count as a plus. His main claim to fame up until ...
Obama is way off on Israel
"You never know how much you really believe anything until its truth or falsehood becomes a matter of life and death to you." - C.S. Lewis
We need to net Netanyahu
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu gave a thunderous speech to a joint session of the House and Senate Tuesday. It had political consequences. Republicans immediately claimed that Bibi was born in Hawaii and anyone who doesn't believe it is a conspiracy theorist. IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn's DNA was found on the shirt of the maid who accused him of sexually assaulting her in his New York hotel ...
GOP may just “fuhgeddaboudit”
Yo, Chris Christie, governor of New Joisey, how ya doin'? What's this I'm hearin'? People are beggin' you to run for president and all you can say is "fuhgeddaboudit?" Well, you need to fuhgeddaboudDAT! Look, smart guy, you surely see what a mockery Republicans are makin' of their presidential nomination process. Yeah, it's early. But what's with Trump takin' the media for a ride? Fox News took the goof seriously. Here we got real problems, ...
It seems that we are in the Le Pew season
My only exposure to French culture as a child was Looney Tunes cartoons featuring the lecherous skunk, Pepé Le Pew.
Imagine there's no heaven
"Imagine there's no heaven/It's publicity-generating if you try." (With apologies to John Lennon).
Seniors rule, you Mickey Mousers
Can you believe they have benches? This year I had the privilege of presenting our family scholarship (Proffitt Family Scholarship) at the Russell High School senior awards ceremony. This was the first time in years I have had the opportunity to roam the hallowed halls of my alma mater. Sure, I had been back in the school for graduations and athletic events, but this was pretty much the first time I had been able to ...
It would be tough if we had a job
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? The Auto Club tried Monday to reassure Americans wracked by high gas prices and predicted that gas prices will fall 50 cents a gallon in the two weeks leading up to Memorial Day. Things aren't as bad as they could be. People would be totally unable to afford to drive to work if they had jobs. IMF president Dominique Strauss-Kahn was denied bail in New York Tuesday ...
Y'all ready for this?
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? South Carolina lawmakers introduced a bill Friday to allow gold and silver coins to be legal currency in the state as well as the dollar. It could pass. The only thing holding it back is whether the face on the coins should be Jefferson Davis or Glenn Beck. U.S. Senator Jim Inhofe saw the photos of Osama bin Laden's corpse Thursday. He said the bullet went into ...
Regulators try to rule American business
One of the shameful hallmarks of a dictatorship is the restriction of movement - telling citizens or groups they cannot travel or relocate freely.
Arson is getting too expensive
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? The Auto Club predicted Monday that gas prices at the pump could drop 75 cents a gallon by the start of summer. In Los Angeles, gasoline is approaching $5 a gallon. It's costing people $10 to burn down their houses for the insurance money. McDonald's announced a billion-dollar interior re-design in its U.S. restaurants. They will have leather chairs, muted colors, sit-down counters, flat-screen TVs, and Internet ...
Obama campaign swims in questionable gunds
President Obama had a busy week. After helping to eliminate the world's number one terrorist, Obama switched gears to focus on raising a record $1 billion in campaign contributions. Rather than capitalizing on bin Laden's demise by using an event to rally allies in a focused campaign to finish the job to root out bin Laden's more notorious associates - Obama is rallying supporters to donate their capital so he can build up his campaign ...
'Real' Americans still chart their own course
I know a fellow from Lebanon who is more American than most Americans. In 1977, when I was 14, I rode my bike, played ball with my friends and enjoyed a safe and happy American existence. During that same year at the same age, the Lebanese fellow I now know was dragging dead bodies into the street and setting them on fire. As civil war raged in his country - as Beirut was bombed every ...
We didn't start the fire
They got him. Put a couple of slugs in his face. Then they dumped his body in the sea - something for the fish, which don't much care what they eat, to feed on.
Articles by Section - Columnists
Will Obama Beat the 6-Year Itch?
If the 2010 elections weren't bad enough for Democrats, here comes the "six-year itch." With the exception of Bill Clinton's second term, the party that controls the White House loses seats in congress six years into a presidency. But there's a gathering sense among Democratic consultants who work on congressional campaigns that their party could buck the trend in 2014 for a number of reasons, not least because Barack Obama is finally fired up and ...
No-Fault Internet Addiction
Online chat host: Good morning, cyber pals. As you know, the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the psychiatric "bible," is to be released this month. It will include "Internet-Use Disorder" - also referred to as Internet addiction - as a condition recommended for further psychiatric study. Our guest today is Dr. Adam Von Cybercruncher, America's leading authority on Internet addiction.
Droning On
Put on your tinfoil hats everybody. Or didn't you get the memo? Its paranoia time in America again. Maybe it's the spring that brings out the crazy in our legislators. Of course, that would assume a semblance of sanity the other three seasons, and nobody wants to bet anything more than lunch money on that proposition.
FCC Must Run Honest Auctions
"America's global leadership in mobile, and the strategic bandwidth advantage so many have worked hard to create, is being threatened by the looming spectrum crunch," recently departed Federal Communications (FCC) Chairman Julius Genachowski said.
Will George W. Bush and A.J. Clemente Get Mulligans?
When should you give someone a mulligan? Should you give a former President a mulligan for a good chunk of his 8 years in office? Should you give a young broadcaster a mulligan when he doesn't realize his mike is on and he says words more suitable for a Chris Rock routine?
Out of the Closet and into Identity Politics
I've never sought the spotlight.
Come on guys, keep those doors open
Sunshine Week, the national initiative by journalists to assure that sunshine illuminates every crevasse in the halls of officialdom, runs March 10-16. During that week, newspapers traditionally run editorials and columns extolling the importance of open government as it relates to our freedoms as Americans.
