Archive By Section - Columnists
All that sushi is now precooked --- Hamilton
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Japan's nuclear plant workers tried to stop the plutonium seepage at the Fukushima nuclear plant Monday. It's affecting the economy. There's a shortage of sushi in Japan and in California, mainly because all the seafood caught in the ocean has been pre-cooked. President Obama hailed the spread of democracy in the Middle East Monday. We are doing everything we can to keep the Arab rulers from passing ...
Talk about being asleep at the wheel!
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Reagan National Airport's control tower went silent Thursday after an air traffic controller fell asleep in the tower. The pilots were on their own. All they had for guidance was President Obama's statement that we must protect the civilians in Libya. Hillary Clinton announced on television Thursday that the U.S. would cede authority in Libya to NATO after U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice demanded that Moammar Khadaffi step ...
At least one clown needs to be in charge -- Hamilton
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? The World Clown Association is holding its convention in New York City's LaGuardia Plaza Hotel. Strict protocol is observed. One clown must stay outside the convention hall during meetings so in case of a catastrophe there'll be one left to maintain the Libya policy. President Obama returned home from a trip to South America Wednesday. While in Chile he paid a surprise visit to a grade-school history ...
Even comic books are caught in inflation trap -- Tyree
Publicity for upcoming movies starring Wonder Woman, Green Lantern and The Mighty Thor got me started thinking about the cover prices of the comic books from which such heroes sprang.
Ever bad dog will have his day -- Susan Brown
Dogs are interesting creatures. This morning while on a walk, one of my dogs broke away from our pack and into the yard of a dog obviously defending her boundaries. After a momentary altercation, tuck-tailed, my dog willingly rejoined our pack - ego broken but a bit wiser - because he not only learned his place, he discovered that sometimes a dog's bark is just as big as his bite. With the world's attention turned ...
Don't play around with a mad dog -- Reagan
Ronald Reagan called him the "Mad Dog of the Middle East" and treated him as such, launching a bombing raid against his compound that purportedly killed a member of his family and scared Moammar Gadhafi silly, reining him in for 20 long years.
No fuel like an old fuel -- Carr
The question of fuel has life or death implications for more and more people on a rapidly quickening time frame. Both sides of the old argument, which seemed to either stake claims on no nukes, no oil or drilling everywhere there's a hint of oil and planting a lot of nuclear plants, are no longer feasible.
Hope Hillary can get a word in --- Hamilton
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Hillary Clinton returned Friday after a long week in Egypt and Tunisia, shoring up North Africa's new democracies. Next she briefs President Obama. She hopes she can be penciled into his schedule sometime between the Final Four and Masters Week at Augusta. Obama addressed the nation on Japan's nuclear disaster from the Rose Garden Thursday. He assured Japan we stand by them. He ordered a comprehensive review ...
We don't really want to cut spending -- Friedeman
During the 2008 presidential campaign, Phil Gramm, one of John McCain's chief economic advisers, made the statement that "we are a nation of whiners." He, of course, took a lot of flak for that and eventually backed down from his statement.
President? What president? -- Argus Hamilton
LA JOLLA - God bless America, and how's everybody? President Obama went on ESPN Wednesday and announced his NCAA tournament's Sweet Sixteen picks. He loves sports. The closest he came to mentioning Japan was when he predicted that the Albuquerque Isotopes will win the Pacific Coast League this summer. Japan's earthquake shut down Toyota's Prius plant in northeastern Japan last week until further notice. It hit Al Gore pretty hard. The Prius is so environmentally ...
Boehner -- Don't fall for this trap
House Speaker John Boehner is falling for a trap, hook, line and sinker - and the Republican presidential nominee will reap the results of Boehner's folly.
Lemonade, and smiles, like grandma made -- Funt
PHOENIX – This is not about politics or the economy, at least not directly. This is about Lemonade. "Lemonade, lemonade, like grandma made!" For 26 years, Derrick Moore has been selling drinks at sports venues across the West, but quenching thirst is only part of his mission. Moore is arguably the nation's top ballpark vendor of smiles. Fans attending games in Arizona, Southern California and Nevada – over 250 events each year – often can't ...
Obama gas promise came true -- Susan Stamper Brown
Poor Peggy Joseph. Overwhelmed by the promise of hope after hearing an Obama campaign speech, Joseph said, "I never thought this day would ever happen. I won't have worry about putting gas in my car. I won't have to worry about paying my mortgage. You know, if I help Obama, he's gonna help me." Peggy kept her part of the bargain, but looking at food and gas prices lately, the day Peggy never thought would ...
Money get tighter all over --- Hamilton
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Long Island in New York joined Los Angeles and Hawaii as the first places with $4-a-gallon gas Tuesday. The subway saves you no money. The $300 a month you save on gasoline is replaced by the $300 a month you spend on pepper spray. California's San Onofre nuclear power plant was cited by anti-nuclear protesters for earthquake and radiation risks. The scare-mongering is over the top. People ...
Daylight Savings inconvenient nuisance -- Hamilton
HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how's everybody? Daylight Savings Time took effect Sunday, robbing people of one hour's sleep in exchange for an extra hour of sunlight. Chaos ensued. Millions of Californians forgot to set their clocks ahead and were late to the drugstore Sunday in the scramble for iodine tablets. President Obama prompted anger Saturday for playing a round of golf while Japan exploded and Libya imploded. What happens to these guys in ...
Articles by Section - Columnists
Will Obama Beat the 6-Year Itch?
If the 2010 elections weren't bad enough for Democrats, here comes the "six-year itch." With the exception of Bill Clinton's second term, the party that controls the White House loses seats in congress six years into a presidency. But there's a gathering sense among Democratic consultants who work on congressional campaigns that their party could buck the trend in 2014 for a number of reasons, not least because Barack Obama is finally fired up and ...
No-Fault Internet Addiction
Online chat host: Good morning, cyber pals. As you know, the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), the psychiatric "bible," is to be released this month. It will include "Internet-Use Disorder" - also referred to as Internet addiction - as a condition recommended for further psychiatric study. Our guest today is Dr. Adam Von Cybercruncher, America's leading authority on Internet addiction.
Droning On
Put on your tinfoil hats everybody. Or didn't you get the memo? Its paranoia time in America again. Maybe it's the spring that brings out the crazy in our legislators. Of course, that would assume a semblance of sanity the other three seasons, and nobody wants to bet anything more than lunch money on that proposition.
FCC Must Run Honest Auctions
"America's global leadership in mobile, and the strategic bandwidth advantage so many have worked hard to create, is being threatened by the looming spectrum crunch," recently departed Federal Communications (FCC) Chairman Julius Genachowski said.
