President Obama, despondent over his low poll numbers and the lack of trust many Americans have for him and his policies, did something drastic. He met with the psychic medium who once helped Hillary Clinton contact the spirit of Eleanor Roosevelt. With the medium's help, Obama summoned the only presence in America who could help him: Richard Milhous Nixon.
It's time for our New Year's resolutions. The most popular ones include losing weight, getting out of debt, drinking less and reducing stress. Experts say 95% of these are broken by January 8. But enough of me. What follows are my resolutions/wishes for other people.
It's the most wonderful time of the year. And finally over. Thank the maker. Because if The Little Drummer Boy was played within my immediate vicinity one more time, somebody was going to have a bacon-flavored candy cane crammed into an orifice that doesn't naturally accommodate candy canes. Bacon or otherwise.
When I was a student, I loathed the make-work project of painstakingly erasing all my pencil marks from my textbooks at the end of the school year (especially since the next year I would inevitably inherit textbooks whose previous user's markings had spontaneously regenerated), but future scholars may be spared such drudgery.
Despite the fact that he has more academic alphabet soup behind his name than anyone else I know, including a doctorate in education, my baby brother often surprises me with the breadth of his common sense and the depth of his wisdom. A few years ago, I gave him a plaque bearing a quote from Mark Twain. It read: "I have never allowed my schooling to interfere with my education." He hung it on the wall of his office. I attribute this humility to my brother's Christian faith, his conservative political philosophy (on most things), and from not taking ...
As the new year approaches, many of us in the dimly lit brotherhood of computer clumsoids (and our number is legion) feel the sharp prod of IT experts who blow themselves blue encouraging we Luddites to change passwords once a year like smoke alarm batteries or high school girlfriends or underwear on "Duck Dynasty." And you know what that means: time for one more slippery descent into the bowels of Password Hell.
Thanks to New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman, the charitable arm of testing giant Pearson will pay $7.7 million to end his investigation into whether it was illegally helping its for-profit parent company. This comes as a shock to Texans, where Pearson has an eye-popping $462-million testing contract, as opposed to New York where Pearson is only getting $32 million. The surprise isn't that a special interest cut corners at taxpayers expense but that a state attorney general can investigate it. It's simply not done here, but then again, why isn't Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott ...
We all know that the 2016 campaign will cost way more money than ever before - $10 billion is the latest head-spinning estimate - and that the reform laws aimed at curbing fat-cat clout have virtually collapsed. But still, it was shocking last week when the nation's top watchdog said that she's powerless to police the new Wild West.