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A Woman’s View

What I learn at coffee hour

POSTED August 3, 2018 1:22 p.m.

We gals meet for coffee once a week and we can talk up a storm. We handle at least five subjects at once, often changing direction in midstream. And being women, we can do this without losing a detail. There is so much to say.
Louise almost didn’t make it to coffee. Her husband needed her to help dig stickers in the pasture. Greta is hauling in a load of spaghetti squash to give to anyone who wants one. And Verona has extra tickets to the Music Theater in Wichita to give away. Everyone has something to bring to the table.
The conversation is lively and soon moves to technology.
We recognize we are not digital goddesses. But, we know more about these gadgets than our husbands, even though we can be pretty vulnerable. For example, I, the “digital wonder” of the group (and low on the totem pole of knowledge and understanding of it all) have recently been scammed. OK! So, we admit our foibles, too.
Claudia Fogstopple and her husband farm out north of town. Claudia is the one who always wears a cute hat. Herman, her husband, is a good farmer; not so good at new technology.
Herm has always had a flip phone. It has worked just fine for him. However, Claudia decided he needed to text more. Flip phones are impossible for texting. So, Claudia got him an iPhone.
Herman realized he didn’t know how to turn it on. Claudia wasn’t available at the time. He called his son in Albuquerque for help on the family land line. Son instructed him, and somehow in the set-up process, Herman paired his phone with Claudia’s phone, as well as her personal iPad.
Are you with me so far?
Guess what happened. His phone downloaded all of Claudia’s information as well as her phone directory of 30 women ... Claudia’s friends. Now he’s got all these women on his phone.
But that’s not all. When Claudia would leave a voice message for Herman, Herm’s (paired) phone would transpose her oral message into text on Herman’s phone. “Where are you? I’m waiting for you,” said Claudia to Herman’s phone. Her oral message would change to text, and he would have to read the message. Often it was scrambled and didn’t make sense.
Pretty confusing for Herman, wouldn’t you say? To his credit, he didn’t give up!
Obviously, this phone of Herm’s was either possessed or just plain wired wrong.
Claudia aptly remarked, “We are overwhelmed with all this stuff!”
Yes, Claudia. You got that right!
Herman’s phone wouldn’t ring either. If anyone called Herm, the phone rang on Claudia’s iPad. Oh, and on top of that, her iPad had never rung before. She didn’t even know it would ring! Herman’s phone continued to be dead silent and Claudia’s iPad continued to ring.
Their son Devan owns an Alexa ... you know, the teeny little female voice who lives in a little speaker box. Alexa answers to commands and she answers whatever you ask like, “Alexa, what is the temperature in Biloxi, Mississippi?” Everyone needs to know these things, right?
Devan wanted to show his folks how he commands Alexa to turn lights on and off. “Alexa, turn on the living room lights to pink. Alexa, turn the patio lights on to green.” Wow, Devan. That is really something.
Later, Devan was visiting his sister, Jodi. Sitting in her living room, he decided to talk to Alexa. “Alexa, turn the left light on.” Nothing happened. “Alexa, turn the right light on.” Nothing. He kept trying.
“Alexa, left light! Alexa, right light!”
Suddenly, Devan’s sister Jodi dashed out of her bedroom, asking, “Why are you turning the lights on and off in my bedroom?”
Oops.
Coffee klatch is drawing to a close. It’s time to go do something productive. It’s been fun. Next week, same time, same place.

Judi Tabler lives in Pawnee County and is a guest columnist for the Great Bend Tribune. She can be reached at bluegrasses@gmail.com. Visit her website juditabler.com.

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