I cannot help it! It is driving me crazy. It’s not going to go away. In fact, I don’t want “it” to go away, ever. But, it is such a nuisance.
This is a riddle. Don’t peek. Not yet. Guess.
What am I talking about? What do you think? MY HAIR!
Let me give you MY definition of hair. Hair (collectively) are strands of protein and fibers that grow out of the top of the body, called the head. Each strand can be fine, thick, coarse or soft. Hair was put on the head to keep it warm. It was also put there because God has a sense of humor and needed something to laugh about.
Hair grows in other places too. Hair can be found in areas where its purpose is certainly questionable. I don’t think it’s there for warmth. Maybe it’s a decoration, something like tinsel on a Christmas tree, or fuzz on a peach.
Who knows.
But I do know this. The most important collection of fibers is on our head, where it shows. It defines us. And, this pile of stuff on our heads is expensive. It needs to be washed with shampoo, rinsed with conditioner, sprayed, lacquered, re-conditioned, cut, colored, braided, permanent-ed, straightened, and who knows what else.
What happened to the original purpose, to keep our noggins warm?
Just letting it be would be so easy!
But, instead, we spend money for people to style it. We sleep with our heads on satin pillows, or in my case, hanging off the edge of the mattress so that the nest on top doesn’t get de-arranged.
There’s one other important factor regarding hair: Color. Having the hair the right tint is not a cheap experience either. But, choosing a color to complement the skin tones is certainly a search in the bushes.
In the days of yore, women just let it be whatever color it needed to be, didn’t they? Men look more handsome as they become gray. Women look like old gray mares. So, color has to be another major challenge.
It’s not just a female problem. Guys sport mustaches, sideburns, beards. They tint their mustaches. And, good looking trims are expensive too. It’s true that today’s guys fuss with their hair. Some shave it off.
They might be the smart ones.
This growth of fibers on our noggins can be depressing or exhilarating. We experience good hair days and bad hair days.
I have said all of that for one reason ... I am terribly frustrated with my hair these days.
The dry climate is not helping things out at all. And the wind finishes the job.
Everything goes hay-wire on top.
Then there are eyebrows. Let’s not forget those.
Young and middle agers have hair over the eyes called brows. They need to be plucked and shaped often. The new plucking technique of applying an adhesive strip to the skin works like a charm. The plucker definitely shocks the pluckee into a spasm, but hey, one must learn the disciplines of suffering for beauty.
As one gets older, the hair on the eyebrows grows wherever it wishes. It gets obviously tired of being plucked so it just grows indiscriminately wherever it can in self defense.
It grows on the chin, on the cheek, under the eyebrow, over the eyebrow, and on the upper lip. That’s where the eyebrows go.
It’s now fashionable for the beautiful bottle-blond celebrities to have dark roots showing. They look, dare I say, “fashionable.” Most of us look like un-kept, negligent, worn-out cheapskates if we let those roots grow. They are unattractive, just like eyebrows growing on the chin.
Now, I am not griping, really I’m not. I don’t ask a lot. All I ask is to revitalize my dry, stubborn, curl-resistant hair into, well, a stylish, obedient, easy, attractive, hair- do.
And if it doesn’t happen?
I’ll buy a wig.

Judi Tabler lives in Pawnee County and is a guest columnist for the Great Bend Tribune. She can be reached at bluegrasses@gmail.com.