Whether you're single or newly wed, people have a slew of advice to offer you. However, although the guidance you receive is well-intentioned, some of it may be outdated or clichd. In fact, instead of helping your relationship, following this advice could actually poison it.
"Never go to sleep angry"
This advice comes from a good place. You shouldn't put off solving your issues. However, going to bed angry could actually be just what the doctor ordered. You might need some time to cool off and think before discussing the issue. Also, thinking rationally instead of emotionally can be challenging late at night. Better advice would be, "Don't fight after ten o'clock."
"Moving in together before you get married will make your marriage stronger"
In the past 50 years, cohabitation before marriage has increased by a whopping 1,500 percent. Many people choose to live together before tying the knot because they believe that cohabitation is a way to test-drive marriage without committing to it. In other words, they believe that living together before getting married will increase the resiliency of their marriage. However, studies have repeatedly revealed that couples who live together before marriage are actually more likely to divorce than those who don't.
"Put your kids first"
Obviously, you need to make sacrifices for you children. However, these sacrifices should not be at the expense of your relationship with your spouse. If you put your marriage on hold while you raise your kids, raising them will be more challenging and your empty nest will feel especially empty when it's just you and your spouse. Your kids deserve to be taught how to develop relationships through your and your spouse's examples.
"Love happens when you stop looking for it"
I have no idea where this advice came from and I have no idea how it could be true (unless we live in some kind of Disney-fantasy where true love happens to magically fall on doorsteps). That said, you shouldn't crazily obsess over finding love enjoy your life but you definitely need to get out, meet new people, talk to the cute guy on the bus, go on some blind dates, and keep your eyes open if you want to increase your odds of meeting someone you can love who loves you back.
"Withhold sex if you disagree with your spouse"
You don't have to have sex if you don't feel like it. However, you shouldn't choose not to have sex as a way to control or manipulate your spouse. Sex should be a way to express your love, not a tool to get what you want.
"Apologize even if you're not sorry"
It might seem like a good idea to say "sorry" even if you don't mean it. But being dishonest is never a good choice. It is patronizing and while it may momentarily appease your spouse, it does little to solve the actual issue. Instead, tell them you're sorry that they're upset and ask them to help you better understand how they feel so that you can see what you did wrong.
"Never go to sleep angry"
This advice comes from a good place. You shouldn't put off solving your issues. However, going to bed angry could actually be just what the doctor ordered. You might need some time to cool off and think before discussing the issue. Also, thinking rationally instead of emotionally can be challenging late at night. Better advice would be, "Don't fight after ten o'clock."
"Moving in together before you get married will make your marriage stronger"
In the past 50 years, cohabitation before marriage has increased by a whopping 1,500 percent. Many people choose to live together before tying the knot because they believe that cohabitation is a way to test-drive marriage without committing to it. In other words, they believe that living together before getting married will increase the resiliency of their marriage. However, studies have repeatedly revealed that couples who live together before marriage are actually more likely to divorce than those who don't.
"Put your kids first"
Obviously, you need to make sacrifices for you children. However, these sacrifices should not be at the expense of your relationship with your spouse. If you put your marriage on hold while you raise your kids, raising them will be more challenging and your empty nest will feel especially empty when it's just you and your spouse. Your kids deserve to be taught how to develop relationships through your and your spouse's examples.
"Love happens when you stop looking for it"
I have no idea where this advice came from and I have no idea how it could be true (unless we live in some kind of Disney-fantasy where true love happens to magically fall on doorsteps). That said, you shouldn't crazily obsess over finding love enjoy your life but you definitely need to get out, meet new people, talk to the cute guy on the bus, go on some blind dates, and keep your eyes open if you want to increase your odds of meeting someone you can love who loves you back.
"Withhold sex if you disagree with your spouse"
You don't have to have sex if you don't feel like it. However, you shouldn't choose not to have sex as a way to control or manipulate your spouse. Sex should be a way to express your love, not a tool to get what you want.
"Apologize even if you're not sorry"
It might seem like a good idea to say "sorry" even if you don't mean it. But being dishonest is never a good choice. It is patronizing and while it may momentarily appease your spouse, it does little to solve the actual issue. Instead, tell them you're sorry that they're upset and ask them to help you better understand how they feel so that you can see what you did wrong.
