Like Cirque de Soleil, the Donald Trump Circus has many touring productions. The Oval Office. The White House. The Cabinet. Both Republican held Houses of Congress. It’s a wacky zany five-ring spectacle chock-full of tightrope walkers, ethical contortionists, trained animals, morally challenged acrobats and logic jugglers. And don’t forget the clowns. Lots and lots of clowns. The U.S. Marine Band is playing “Hail to the Chief” on a calliope.
Wherever POTUS 45 goes or threatens to go or even mentions that going might be a possibility, the cameras are there so they don’t miss any upcoming lunacy. All action choreographed by the Golden Canopy in his role as Ringmaster Deluxe. He is a world- class expert in prestidigitation and knows his part well. Which may be why the cast changes faster than free beer disappears at a frat party celebrating a homecoming win over Alabama.
The Trump Circus performers are replaced at a rate that would shock an assistant manager on the graveyard shift at McDonald’s. John Bolton has stomped into the Big Top as our new strongman. The man with the scariest mustache in the world. Due to be our third National Security Advisor. Maybe. Nobody’s quite sure. The second one might not quit. The first one is still under indictment.
Bolton’s credentials consist mostly of sucking up to his new boss like a turbo vacuum cleaner on pharmaceutical strength steroids. When appointed ambassador to the United Nations by George W Bush, Bolton described his approach as one of Tough Love. With the emphasis on the adjective. Others call it Rabid Foaming at the Mouth With an Unattached Ear Hanging Out of Your Teeth Love. Geek Love.
Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was fired for many reasons: arguing with the boss, disagreeing with the boss and calling the boss a moron. Which goes down in a relationship as well as a foot-long fish bone. And Secretary of Veterans Affairs Daniel Shulkin says he was fired for resisting the privatization of his administration’s care but the White House claims he resigned. Sounds like someone doesn’t want to pony up for unemployment.
Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, our Attorney General, and Scott Pruitt, the Director of the EPA, are not just skating but performing triple axels on thin ice. Sessions in deep elephant doo-doo for recusing himself in the Russia Matter and Pruitt for renting an apartment from a lobbyist who had multiple clients with business in front of his department. Pretty much the definition of conflict of interest. Seriously, look it up.
In the first 15 months of this current production, we’ve lost three White House Communications Directors. The Secretaries of State, Veterans Affairs, Health & Human Services. Two National Security Advisors. One Deputy National Security Advisor. An Attorney General. An FBI Director. Deputy FBI Director. Director of the CDC. Director of the Office of Government Ethics. Director of NASA. Director of National Economic Council. Chief of staff. Chief strategist. Chief aide to the Chief strategist. Chief usher. The Surgeon general. Umpteen personal aides, two turtle doves and an Omarosa.
Some worry that the Ringmaster will run out of lackeys, minions and stooges. But no matter how many quit, resign or slink off quietly in the night, never fear. There’s plenty more replacement toadies that can be called up from that junior league circus known as... Fox News.
Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comic and former sod farmer in New Berlin, Wisconsin.