Happy Tuesday, everybody, and God Bless America.
President Obama’s address to the nation on Iraq was delayed by a security breach on the North Lawn of the White House Thursday. A toddler had crawled in through the fence. The Secret Service patted him down and found his diaper full of the government’s approval ratings.
The L.A. Times reports that porn movie production is the latest industry to flee California Wednesday. Thousands of production jobs have been lost. Porn is the only branch of show business where the best Grip is not only a studio executive but also an actress award category.
President Obama ordered air strikes on ISIS to try to stop ISIS from controlling the Mosul Dam Friday. Democrats applauded the strike. They say President Bush attacked Iraq just for the oil to run our cars while President Obama’s attacking Iraq for the electricity to run our cars.
The White House blamed Anwar-al-Malaki’s government in Baghdad for the chaos in Iraq this past week. You can’t make it up. The U.S. would love to have a leader in Iraq who could crush ISIS, oppose Iran, hold the country together and keep the oil flowing, but we hanged him.
U.S. warplanes took off from the aircraft carrier George H.W. Bush Friday to attack the ISIS in Iraq and drop food. How fitting. After everything that George H.W. Bush has instigated in Iraq and overthrown in Iraq and caused in Iraq, it’s only right that he get to throw out the first pitch.
President Obama’s bombing announcement Friday interrupted a Kate Upton segment on ABC while she was talking about her body. Viewers were infuriated. Everyone thought they gave President Obama a blank check to do whatever he wants just to avoid such interruptions .
Israel and Hamas opened fire on each other in Gaza the moment the seventy-two hour cease-fire ended Friday. It’s so dismaying. We’re never going to get peace in the Middle East until a U.S. Secretary of State can put together a cease-fire that lasts longer than a mattress sale.
The Washington Post ran an article on Friday detailing how often President Obama has been late to scheduled press briefings. So far he has been late a total of 35 hours during this year alone. The president blamed it on the slow play of the foursomes ahead of him.
The CDC said Friday that preventing ebola from spreading to the U.S. is easy. People can relax. Experts agree the best way to wipe out ebola is to identify the infected, prepare the infected for travel, and then book them on a Malaysian Airlines flight to pretty much anywhere.
NBA star Paul George of the Indiana Pacers suffered a severely broken leg when he fell during a Team USA scrimmage. Luckily there’s a bright side. Because Paul George was playing for Team USA, the Veterans Administration just offered to fix his broken leg in under six years.
Pope Francis issued a plea Friday calling on young people to get off the Internet and do something productive with their lives. Internet addiction is easily exploitable. Last night, Joe Biden forgot his computer password, but luckily the Russian hackers have a toll-free number.
Forbes magazine named Washington D.C. the coolest city in the America in a survey based on the number of entertainment options that a city provides. What a town. You can sample comedy clubs, gambling dens, simulated gunfights and whorehouses, all in one U.S. Capitol tour.
South Africa’s Oscar Pistorious’s murder case went to his judge Friday. He claims he shot his fiancee four times through the bathroom door thinking she was a burglar, right after neighbors heard them arguing. If convicted, he could be suspended up to two games by the NFL.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.