HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Occupy Wall Street protestors complained that homeless people have infiltrated the park for the free food.
They’re just furious about it.
Everybody’s sitting around wish that there was a way to help the downtrodden without a lot of losers trying to get in on it.   
Herman Cain denied accusations against him of sexual harassment in the workplace Monday.
The country has been waiting for someone with Reagan’s economic views and Clinton’s moral views.
Dr. Frankenstein could not have created a more electable president.
Herman Cain admitted Monday he was accused of sexual harassment by two women while he was a lobbyist in Washington fifteen years ago.
That’s how well he’s doing in the polls.
He has not even been elected yet and already the impeachment effort has started.
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s fourteen-year-old son with the maid posed for Halloween pictures dressed like Conan the Barbarian.
His father is horrified.
The last thing he needs in his career right now is someone advertising himself as a young Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Mitt Romney was reported Friday to be raising lots of campaign cash in states where Democrats normally do well.
He’s righted the ship.
Mitt Romney seems to have survived the controversy that erupted when illegal aliens were discovered to be working in his hair.  
The GPS Walking Shoe was introduced by Aetrex which has a tracking system in its heel.
Its GPS allows you to track someone’s whereabouts on your iPhone.
Californians can buy these shoes for themselves and their phones will always tell them where they are.
The Weather Channel reported a never-before-seen October blizzard that blanketed the Eastern Seaboard Saturday.
Everyone froze.
It was so cold in New Hampshire that only people with names like Ed and Bob had enough time to write their names in the snow.   
The National Parks Service said Monday that tourist reservations are down at lodges at national parks this autumn.
It’s one of two reasons.
It’s either fear of bad weather or bears have moved into vacant factories and people can see nature a lot closer to home now.
The Southern California city of Calabasas banned the capture and killing of coyotes.
The suburban residents are committed environmentalists.
They want to learn to live with nature and without their dogs and small children.  
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)