God Bless America, and how’s everybody?
Chelsea Clinton told a press conference that the Clinton Foundation would re-file its tax returns for the last five years after millions in unreported foreign donations came to light Thursday. It was her job to make the announcement. The Clintons appointed Chelsea treasurer so she’s the one who goes to jail.
The Green Bay Packers announced they will retire Brett Favre’s jersey at halftime of the team’s Thanksgiving Day game with the Chicago Bears. He played for a long, long time. Brett Favre holds the record of being the only quarterback who was drafted by both the NFL and the Confederate Army.
Oscar-winning actress Sandra Bullock was the toast of Holywood Friday when she was named by People magazine readers the Most Beautiful Woman in the World. The vote wasn’t even close. Sandra Bullock had the field to herself after Bruce Jenner passed the hormone test but failed the written exam.
A Colorado Springs man was cited for shooting his malfunctioning computer on Thursday. The guy unplugged the computer, took it outside, and fired eight bullets into it, destroying the screen, the keyboard and the hard drive. Today he’s the communications director for the Hillary Clinton campaign.
The New York Times said Hillary Clinton was influenced by Clinton Foundation donations to change U.S. policy and enrich her family. Reaction was threefold. Democrats hope it’s partisan muckraking, while Republicans hope it’s provable, and Bernie Madoff is demanding a re-trial if she gets away with it.
Clinton Cash reports that Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State approved Russia obtaining a Canadian uranium company in return for millions in Clinton Foundation donations and a speaking gig for Bill in Moscow. Her place in history is secure. Hillary Clinton showed women everywhere there are limits.
The U.S. Navy arrived in the Port of Aden to support Yemen to block an Iranian arms convoy headed for Yemen. The U.S. is approaching from the east, Iran is approaching from the west and Saudi Arabia is bombing from the north. The Weather Channel reports that the five-day forecast for Yemen is two days.
Iran’s convoy of ships carrying arms to Yemen turned back Thursday rather than face the USS Theodore Roosevelt in the Port of Aden. Imagine the logjam. Iran would like to bring guns to the Yemeni rebels but U.S. negotiators are trying to bring nuclear weapons to Iran, and we have right of way.
U.S. and British paratroopers arrived in Ukraine Friday to train Ukraine’s troops to fight Russian troops and Russian-backed rebels. This is getting really serious. The Cold War was so long ago that today’s schoolchildren would refuse to do any duck-and-cover drills unless there’s WiFi under the desk.
The NFL suspended new Dallas Cowboys defensive end Greg Hardy for 10 games for domestic violence after investigators said the All-Pro knocked his girlfriend onto a couch covered with assault rifles. The Cowboys just signed him. He swore he was innocent and that’s good enough for Jerry Jones.
William Shatner last week proposed solving California’s emergency water shortage by building a water pipeline running from Oregon to Southern California. The idea has everyone in L.A. saying same thing. Now that Mr. Spock has died, it’s becoming clear that Captain Kirk was really the smart one.
David Petraeus was put on probation for sharing classified intel with his lover and biographer Paula Broadwell. It all blew up at a formal dinner when his mistress caught him flirting with the hostess in plain view of his wife. He now teaches at USC where no one understands what he did wrong.
Robert Downey Jr. sidestepped an NBC interviewer’s question when asked if he’s a conservative so the reporter asked him about his past drug use. The reporter brought up his past drug use because he wouldn’t admit to being a Republican. Now that Brian Williams has been suspended, all the investigative reporters at NBC are grilling handsome white men who aren’t telling the truth about their war records.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com