PALM SPRINGS - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
King Richard III’s skeleton was found in England 525 years after his death. The bones were flown to New York. Fashion Week has been searching for a runway model who doesn’t care about complaints from the National Fat Acceptance crowd.
The Super Bowl was interrupted by a power outage that blacked out the game for half an hour during the third quarter Sunday. No one panicked. Viewers just assumed that Ray Lewis had found himself in the wrong place at the wrong time and killed the lights.
The Super Bowl drew a hundred million viewers, making it the second most-watched TV event ever. Most-watched was CNN’s coverage of the 1991 bombing of Baghdad. Next year there’ll be three network dramas and a reality show about life during a power outage.
Baltimore Ravens fans looted convenience stores and burned vans on the streets of Baltimore after Sunday night’s Super Bowl victory. The Baltimore police put up fierce resistence. In five years looters will be suing the NFL for concussions sustained on the job.
Commissioner Roger Goodell vowed to reduce NFL concussions Sunday. He can start by asking NFL wives to be more understanding. Three times during the CBS pre-game telecast Dan Marino interrupted what he was saying to ask somebody to answer the phone.
The White House released a photo of President Obama skeet shooting at Camp David last summer. Gun lovers say the photo looks staged. There are dozens of photographs of Queen Elizabeth shooting her shotgun, and that was just when Princess Diana lost her jewels.
The Job is a controversial new reality show on CBS this Friday. Unemployed people compete with one another to win a middle-class job. That may not be much of a prize, but at the end of the season all the winners compete for a chance to win a government job.
Pakistan disclosed plans to build an amusement park in Abbotobad near Osama bin Laden’s compound. It’s natural tourism magnet. The location is already drawing a lot of American tourists, but they’d like us to stay and spend some money after we kill whoever we came for.
President Obama expressed his support for Boy Scouts Sunday and he thanked them for their help in making us a great nation. Last week when he went skeet shooting at Camp David he consulted the Boy Scout manual to teach him which end of the rifle to hold and which end of the rifle to aim. Sarah Palin gave him some advice but he doesn’t trust it.
President Obama hosted a White House luncheon Friday to honor twenty people for their contributions to science and technology. The recipients were more than a little insulted. During the president’s first term in office this event was the state dinner for India.
Washington’s state government created the new title of Marijuana Consultant to the state and began interviewing people for the job Friday. The state voters legalized pot in November. The first four candidates were ruled out when their blood test came back clean.
French troops were cheered in Mali Friday as they entered Timbuktu after expelling al-Qaeda. The French army has regained its swagger. When France raised their top tax rate to seventy-five percent last month. all their best people joined the Foreign Legion.
Iran’s president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad saluted Iranian rocket scientists on their successful monkey launch Sunday and said he’d like to be the first Iranian to be blasted into outer space. That’s easily arranged. All he has to do is attack Israel, and he’ll be flying into space on a ship that has seventy-two flight attendants, all virgins.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.