Really folks, I don’t make these up. There really are dudes out there with these names in the sports world.
From the world of professional hockey we have Miroslav Satan. I don’t know if he is a devil of a player but with that moniker he’d better be good! The good news is that there is an opposing force to this evil-sounding guy with the hockey puck. From the world of basketball comes our protector, God Shamgod. Can’t wait to see how this turns out!
I’ve mentioned this guy before but I just can’t leave him alone. From pro football we have Fair Hooker! Which brings to my mind, how do you rate a hooker? Poor? Great? Fair?
From professional Lacrosse comes Will Barrow. I guess he can get a job as a gardener when he retires! Will, meet Mike Lemongello, a professional bowler. Will probably prefers cherry jello but, what the heck?
Rev your engines and join me on the NASCAR circuit where Dick Trickle races. Then again, I’m not sure how a trickle races! I guess if I had that name I would want to drive fast too! Trickle faster!
When your parents are named Wolf and they aren’t very creative you end up being named Wolfgang Wolf, another entry from the world of soccer. His teammate is Danger Fourpence who sounds like a guy who’s just spent his last penny! Another soccer great is Fabian Assman. Now how would you like to make your living running around on a soccer field, in short pants, with your name on the back of your jersey? Assman! And to have as a first name Fabian? Another dude who’d better be able to move fast!
College football brings us Eddie McDoom and Divine Deablo. Two names that make us think of Alpha and Omega. The on-field announcers will have a great time with those names but the guy that prints the programs is in trouble with Dredrick Snelson. He’s gonna just know he got it wrong and recheck the spelling every week! Then again, maybe Mom and Dad didn’t know how to spell Fredrick Nelson!
Keep checking folks. There’s a lot more to read out there in the box scores than just the score!
Starting in 2017, the NBA will begin putting sponsorship logos on player uniforms. That means that your favorite three-point shooter might have “Joe’s Pizza” emblazoned across the front of his jersey come next year!
Why? Money, of course. Estimates are that it could generate at least $100 million annually and, best of all, it is a step that the NFL, Major League Baseball and the NHL have yet to take. It isn’t often that the NBA gets a jump on their competitors in the marketing arena so they have moved quickly to be the first with this new way of getting more money out of the public coffers.
This could turn into a spending battle between “Fred’s Muffler Shop” and “Easy Ed’s Used Cars” to see who gets LeBron’s jersey front. I can’t wait until the bidding starts!
Charles Tabler is a contributing writer from Larned. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.