When I was a teenager, I read a passage in a John Green novel that changed my perspective of what I expect from people. In the book, the main character got upset because his friend did something that the main character never would have done. Another friend responds saying something such as, "You're right, you never would have done that but he would."
I realized that it was wrong to expect people to live the way I thought they should. I should not have expectations for other people and then be disappointed when they don't meet the expectations I unconsciously wanted them to live up to.
While this article is directed toward wives, having unreasonable expectations can affect any type of relationship. These 5 signs can help anyone evaluate if they are expecting too much from someone else.
You catalogue his faults
If you have a running list of all of your spouse's weaknesses, you probably have a tendency to expect perfection from him (which is impossible). Everyone should be allowed to make mistakes and have weaknesses, including your husband. He should be trying to overcome his faults, but when you dwell on them, it can actually be detrimental to his efforts to beat them.
Instead, make a list of all the great things about your man and try to expect these good qualities from him.
You aren't vocally communicating
If you aren't telling your husband what you're thinking or feeling but you're still expecting him to respond to these thoughts and feelings, your expectations are too high. Your husband is not a mind reader. Don't pretend that he is.
Make sure you communicate to your husband both the negative and the positive so that you aren't expecting him to respond to your unspoken thoughts.
You hate not being top priority
Of course your husband should put you before your kids, friends, and work but sometimes, you just can't be the top priority. Occasionally there's someone in need who requires his attention more than you do. Sometimes there may be a project at work that needs to take him away from time with you.
You definitely shouldn't consistently be in last place for your husband's attention, but if you always expect to be number 1, you're expecting too much from him.
You're stuck in the comparison game
You picked him, and you're committed to him; this person is your husband. It's not okay to compare him to another man. You can't expect him to bring you home flowers every night like Brenda's husband or clean the bathroom on Saturdays like Amy's. That would be comparing their husbands' strengths to your man's weaknesses. Comparing your husband to other men neglects your husband's strengths.
You're not married to Amy's husband, so quit expecting him to act like her husband. Your man is great in his own way.
You wonder if he's good enough for you
Again, through comparison you may be setting your expectations too high. Just like comparing your husband to other men creates unreasonable expectations, comparing him to yourself can do the same thing. If you think that you deserve better than him, maybe you're forgetting about your own weaknesses.
Expect him to be himself, not you. After all, that's why partnerships are so great; it's a joining two people with complimentary strengths and weaknesses.
I realized that it was wrong to expect people to live the way I thought they should. I should not have expectations for other people and then be disappointed when they don't meet the expectations I unconsciously wanted them to live up to.
While this article is directed toward wives, having unreasonable expectations can affect any type of relationship. These 5 signs can help anyone evaluate if they are expecting too much from someone else.
You catalogue his faults
If you have a running list of all of your spouse's weaknesses, you probably have a tendency to expect perfection from him (which is impossible). Everyone should be allowed to make mistakes and have weaknesses, including your husband. He should be trying to overcome his faults, but when you dwell on them, it can actually be detrimental to his efforts to beat them.
Instead, make a list of all the great things about your man and try to expect these good qualities from him.
You aren't vocally communicating
If you aren't telling your husband what you're thinking or feeling but you're still expecting him to respond to these thoughts and feelings, your expectations are too high. Your husband is not a mind reader. Don't pretend that he is.
Make sure you communicate to your husband both the negative and the positive so that you aren't expecting him to respond to your unspoken thoughts.
You hate not being top priority
Of course your husband should put you before your kids, friends, and work but sometimes, you just can't be the top priority. Occasionally there's someone in need who requires his attention more than you do. Sometimes there may be a project at work that needs to take him away from time with you.
You definitely shouldn't consistently be in last place for your husband's attention, but if you always expect to be number 1, you're expecting too much from him.
You're stuck in the comparison game
You picked him, and you're committed to him; this person is your husband. It's not okay to compare him to another man. You can't expect him to bring you home flowers every night like Brenda's husband or clean the bathroom on Saturdays like Amy's. That would be comparing their husbands' strengths to your man's weaknesses. Comparing your husband to other men neglects your husband's strengths.
You're not married to Amy's husband, so quit expecting him to act like her husband. Your man is great in his own way.
You wonder if he's good enough for you
Again, through comparison you may be setting your expectations too high. Just like comparing your husband to other men creates unreasonable expectations, comparing him to yourself can do the same thing. If you think that you deserve better than him, maybe you're forgetting about your own weaknesses.
Expect him to be himself, not you. After all, that's why partnerships are so great; it's a joining two people with complimentary strengths and weaknesses.
