As much as we'd like to imagine the "perfect" life, daily life falls into the category of regular mundaneness. The drolleries of the day-to-day don't make life any less beautiful -- but they can cause us to fall into some bad habits.
For example, many of us fall into the habit of asking people how their day is without actually listening to the answer, and then mindlessly responding, "Good," when they ask us the same question. This exchange, which was initially well meaning, has been degraded to a prosaic practice. If a relationship becomes reduced to nothing more than that rote exchange, the relationship will weaken.
Likewise, while marriage brings wonderful moments, much of it consists of regular daily life. This brings the challenge of overcoming unconscious habits like words or phrases that, with repeated use, cause relationships to crumble.
Here are seven of those words and phrases that have the power to kill your marriage:
"No."
Of course the answer can't always be "Yes"; but if you are telling your spouse "No" on a daily basis, your relationship is in trouble. You shouldn't withhold any affection from your husband, including sex.
Look for opportunities to say "Yes" to your spouse. If the answer has to be no right now, decide when the answer can be yes later.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Sometimes you need some space. However, after you've had that time to cool off, you need to completely re-open communication with your spouse. Sometimes we feel that if we keep our feelings to ourselves, we're not legitimizing them, so they will just disappear. However, the opposite is true. If you keep your thoughts inside, feelings of resentment will grow in both you and your spouse.
Don't accept the silent treatment as an option. Find productive ways to communicate with your spouse.
"My friend's husband ... "
Comparison destroys happiness -- period. You married who you married, and he has fantastic qualities that your friend's husband probably doesn't have. While you should try to help each other be your best selves, you should never make your spouse feel like they have to measure up to anyone else.
"All men"
Telling your husband that it's a man's job to do the yard work or explaining to your husband that men are generally insensitive does two things: First, it puts down your spouse's gender; second, it defines him only by his gender rather than by his individual characteristics. Focus on who your spouse is as a person instead of trying to categorize him in terms of manliness.
"Always."
Using absolutes is dangerous in relationships because they aren't always true. Your husband doesn't always ignore you and he isn't always working. Using this word is probably false and it rejects understanding. Instead, it says, "You're always wrong and I'm always right."
Avoid words like "always" and "never," and attempt to be conscious of your spouse's point of view when you feel there's an issue.
"Uh-huh"
An ill-timed "uh huh" can kill your marriage because it could reveal that you're not actually listening. It's crucial that you listen to your husband and make him feel that what he's saying is important to you. Sometimes this might mean you need to pause what you're doing to focus on him. Practice good listening skills like making eye contact and asking thoughtful questions.
"I hate ... "
Negativity is going to ruin your relationship with anyone, especially your spouse, because he will have to endure it the most. If you are constantly negative, your husband will feel negative about you as well. Don't allow pessimism to seep into your marriage, because it will ruin it.
For example, many of us fall into the habit of asking people how their day is without actually listening to the answer, and then mindlessly responding, "Good," when they ask us the same question. This exchange, which was initially well meaning, has been degraded to a prosaic practice. If a relationship becomes reduced to nothing more than that rote exchange, the relationship will weaken.
Likewise, while marriage brings wonderful moments, much of it consists of regular daily life. This brings the challenge of overcoming unconscious habits like words or phrases that, with repeated use, cause relationships to crumble.
Here are seven of those words and phrases that have the power to kill your marriage:
"No."
Of course the answer can't always be "Yes"; but if you are telling your spouse "No" on a daily basis, your relationship is in trouble. You shouldn't withhold any affection from your husband, including sex.
Look for opportunities to say "Yes" to your spouse. If the answer has to be no right now, decide when the answer can be yes later.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Sometimes you need some space. However, after you've had that time to cool off, you need to completely re-open communication with your spouse. Sometimes we feel that if we keep our feelings to ourselves, we're not legitimizing them, so they will just disappear. However, the opposite is true. If you keep your thoughts inside, feelings of resentment will grow in both you and your spouse.
Don't accept the silent treatment as an option. Find productive ways to communicate with your spouse.
"My friend's husband ... "
Comparison destroys happiness -- period. You married who you married, and he has fantastic qualities that your friend's husband probably doesn't have. While you should try to help each other be your best selves, you should never make your spouse feel like they have to measure up to anyone else.
"All men"
Telling your husband that it's a man's job to do the yard work or explaining to your husband that men are generally insensitive does two things: First, it puts down your spouse's gender; second, it defines him only by his gender rather than by his individual characteristics. Focus on who your spouse is as a person instead of trying to categorize him in terms of manliness.
"Always."
Using absolutes is dangerous in relationships because they aren't always true. Your husband doesn't always ignore you and he isn't always working. Using this word is probably false and it rejects understanding. Instead, it says, "You're always wrong and I'm always right."
Avoid words like "always" and "never," and attempt to be conscious of your spouse's point of view when you feel there's an issue.
"Uh-huh"
An ill-timed "uh huh" can kill your marriage because it could reveal that you're not actually listening. It's crucial that you listen to your husband and make him feel that what he's saying is important to you. Sometimes this might mean you need to pause what you're doing to focus on him. Practice good listening skills like making eye contact and asking thoughtful questions.
"I hate ... "
Negativity is going to ruin your relationship with anyone, especially your spouse, because he will have to endure it the most. If you are constantly negative, your husband will feel negative about you as well. Don't allow pessimism to seep into your marriage, because it will ruin it.
