I could instantly see the look of horror on her face.
"Hey," I told her, quietly, "You can't take a balloon unless you win the game. You can try playing again, though."
She quickly pulled her hand away from the prize bowl, and she dashed into the crowd.
It was the annual 4th of July neighborhood party, and I was manning the ring toss. The game was simple: throw a ring on the post, win a prize.
Unfortunately, the cute little girl who had been caught red-handed, tried, but failed in her attempt to both win the game and steal a prize.
As more kids came through the line, I could see the girl out of the corner of my eye, her face tucked into her mother's leg as tears rolled down her face.
I made her cry.
My heart sunk.
But then it hit me.
The rules weren't any different for her than they were for any of the other 25 or so kids playing the game. And I wasn't mean to her. She tried to steal from the prize bowl knowing that it was wrong.
Yeah, I never want to hurt anyones feelings, but I didnt need to feel bad about making her cry.
A few minutes later, the little girl had joined the line once again to make another attempt at the game. When it was her turn, by a miracle, the ring flew wildly through the air and landed perfectly on the post. Not just once, but a few more times.
Out of all the kids that played that day, it was the most gratifying to see her pick out a prize.
As she walked away, holding her balloon with pride, she turned back toward me and exclaimed, "That is the best game ever!"
I've thought about that experience plenty of times since that day. Winning has to mean something. But how do you teach that to kids? Or even adults?
At the end of the day, I think it comes down to this:
1. Winning the right way is more gratifying than winning the wrong way.
Lying to get what you want is never as satisfying as working hard to earn something. Allowing children to get away with dishonesty is basically giving them permission to keep doing it.
However, teaching them that cheating is wrong, and helping them learn how to succeed the right way gives them the opportunity to feel proud of what they accomplished - minus the guilt and shame. That win will always be more gratifying because it helps them feel proud of who they are.
2. There are no consolation prizes in real life.
"Everyone is a winner" isn't how the real world works. So why teach that to your children now and set them up for failure in adulthood?
Recently, James Harrison, a two-time Super Bowl champ, caused a stir with his Instagram post talking about why he took away his son's participation trophies:
The best way to raise entitled kids is by giving them everything without requiring them to put in any effort. As much as everyone would like a free ride through life, that just isn't going to happen.
3. Understand that effort = reward.
One of the most valuable lessons a child can learn is that if they work hard, they will see the benefits. If you want to get a good grade, you have to study hard. If you want to buy a toy, you need to save up enough money to earn it. If you want to get on the soccer team you like, you're going to have to put in many hours of practice.
So yeah, I made a little girl cry, but I don't feel bad about it. Why? Because, in the end, she learned that stealing ends badly, hard work pays off and winning the right way is much more gratifying.
"Hey," I told her, quietly, "You can't take a balloon unless you win the game. You can try playing again, though."
She quickly pulled her hand away from the prize bowl, and she dashed into the crowd.
It was the annual 4th of July neighborhood party, and I was manning the ring toss. The game was simple: throw a ring on the post, win a prize.
Unfortunately, the cute little girl who had been caught red-handed, tried, but failed in her attempt to both win the game and steal a prize.
As more kids came through the line, I could see the girl out of the corner of my eye, her face tucked into her mother's leg as tears rolled down her face.
I made her cry.
My heart sunk.
But then it hit me.
The rules weren't any different for her than they were for any of the other 25 or so kids playing the game. And I wasn't mean to her. She tried to steal from the prize bowl knowing that it was wrong.
Yeah, I never want to hurt anyones feelings, but I didnt need to feel bad about making her cry.
A few minutes later, the little girl had joined the line once again to make another attempt at the game. When it was her turn, by a miracle, the ring flew wildly through the air and landed perfectly on the post. Not just once, but a few more times.
Out of all the kids that played that day, it was the most gratifying to see her pick out a prize.
As she walked away, holding her balloon with pride, she turned back toward me and exclaimed, "That is the best game ever!"
I've thought about that experience plenty of times since that day. Winning has to mean something. But how do you teach that to kids? Or even adults?
At the end of the day, I think it comes down to this:
1. Winning the right way is more gratifying than winning the wrong way.
Lying to get what you want is never as satisfying as working hard to earn something. Allowing children to get away with dishonesty is basically giving them permission to keep doing it.
However, teaching them that cheating is wrong, and helping them learn how to succeed the right way gives them the opportunity to feel proud of what they accomplished - minus the guilt and shame. That win will always be more gratifying because it helps them feel proud of who they are.
2. There are no consolation prizes in real life.
"Everyone is a winner" isn't how the real world works. So why teach that to your children now and set them up for failure in adulthood?
Recently, James Harrison, a two-time Super Bowl champ, caused a stir with his Instagram post talking about why he took away his son's participation trophies:
The best way to raise entitled kids is by giving them everything without requiring them to put in any effort. As much as everyone would like a free ride through life, that just isn't going to happen.
3. Understand that effort = reward.
One of the most valuable lessons a child can learn is that if they work hard, they will see the benefits. If you want to get a good grade, you have to study hard. If you want to buy a toy, you need to save up enough money to earn it. If you want to get on the soccer team you like, you're going to have to put in many hours of practice.
So yeah, I made a little girl cry, but I don't feel bad about it. Why? Because, in the end, she learned that stealing ends badly, hard work pays off and winning the right way is much more gratifying.
