Look, communication is a challenge; we all know that. So it shouldn't be a surprise to know that what you're intending to say might not be what's being communicated to your spouse.
Below are five phrases that people commonly say to their spouses that are often said with one intent but are interpreted a different way. When said repeatedly, these phrases can create lasting damage to a relationship.
The purpose of this article isn't to condemn your marriage, but to help you see things you might be saying that could be damaging your relationship so that you can change them.
"You never..."
Beware of phrases like "You never listen to me" and "I always make the bed." Sentences containing absolutes like "never" and "always" are hardly ever true, but are almost always damaging. Not only that, but these phrases tend to be accusatory.
"I'm bored"
Not only is this a negative phrase, but telling your husband that you're bored is putting the responsibility on your husband. This is damaging because it's not his responsibility to keep you satisfied. If you feel like life is dull, put some spice in the mix yourself. You can plan an outing or simply do something that breaks the day-to-day routine (like eat ice cream for breakfast).
"Why aren't you like..."
Don't get trapped in a habit of comparing your husband to anyone. This practice is toxic for a marriage because we tend to compare one man's weaknesses to another's strengths. For example, if you're frustrated that your husband doesn't cook dinner like Judy's does, you're probably neglecting the fact that your husband cleans the kitchen every day (something Judy's husband has never done).
"You will never change"
Hey, change is hard. So sure, his progress may be slow, but take a chance to notice the small efforts he makes to improve. One of the wonderful things about marriage is that you have a partner to support you through your progress. Be that partner for your husband and you'll see an acceleration in his progress and your own.
"Maybe we should just divorce"
Marriage works because you have forged a strong committment. This means that even when challenges arise, you continue to choose to put in the effort to make your relationship work. Threatening divorce weakens that power. Let your spouse know that you choose to make this relationship with him last.
Below are five phrases that people commonly say to their spouses that are often said with one intent but are interpreted a different way. When said repeatedly, these phrases can create lasting damage to a relationship.
The purpose of this article isn't to condemn your marriage, but to help you see things you might be saying that could be damaging your relationship so that you can change them.
"You never..."
Beware of phrases like "You never listen to me" and "I always make the bed." Sentences containing absolutes like "never" and "always" are hardly ever true, but are almost always damaging. Not only that, but these phrases tend to be accusatory.
"I'm bored"
Not only is this a negative phrase, but telling your husband that you're bored is putting the responsibility on your husband. This is damaging because it's not his responsibility to keep you satisfied. If you feel like life is dull, put some spice in the mix yourself. You can plan an outing or simply do something that breaks the day-to-day routine (like eat ice cream for breakfast).
"Why aren't you like..."
Don't get trapped in a habit of comparing your husband to anyone. This practice is toxic for a marriage because we tend to compare one man's weaknesses to another's strengths. For example, if you're frustrated that your husband doesn't cook dinner like Judy's does, you're probably neglecting the fact that your husband cleans the kitchen every day (something Judy's husband has never done).
"You will never change"
Hey, change is hard. So sure, his progress may be slow, but take a chance to notice the small efforts he makes to improve. One of the wonderful things about marriage is that you have a partner to support you through your progress. Be that partner for your husband and you'll see an acceleration in his progress and your own.
"Maybe we should just divorce"
Marriage works because you have forged a strong committment. This means that even when challenges arise, you continue to choose to put in the effort to make your relationship work. Threatening divorce weakens that power. Let your spouse know that you choose to make this relationship with him last.
