We’ve all faced those Monday morning blues, when coming in to the office seems like a life sentence of penal servitude instead of a joyous opportunity to hone our skills and character against life’s constant challenges.
Here are some productivity hacks to help you in coping with the demands of your career:
1. Eat a good breakfast prior to going in to work. Studies show that people who fill their bellies with waffles, syrup, eggs, bacon and lots of heavily-creamed cappuccino on a daily basis will die before the age of forty – but, boy, will they be happy campers while they last at the office!
2. Take up a hobby. Examples include collecting paperweights or playing the bagpipes. This helps to relieve stress and reduce anxiety about the future, and also gives you something interesting to talk about when you are stuck in an elevator with three other people for 16 hours. And don’t think it won’t happen to you – BECAUSE IT HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY!
3. Look at pictures of cute little kittens or funny little leprechauns. Can you draw a picture of a horsey? How about a moo-moo cow? Isn’t that funsy-wunsy? Now, take your pen and write out a check to the travel agency so you can go way far away to never-never land where the beaches are made of cookie crumbs and the ocean is chocolate milk, the mermaids will sing you to sleep, and the dodo birds will lay Denver omelets for you when Mr. Sun comes up to play peek-a-boo...
4. Destroy all clocks; they are the devil’s spawn. Instead, use your inner bio-rhythms to work, play, eat and sleep. Oh, and by the way, find a sturdy cardboard box to live in – you’ll need it.
5. Stop reading your email. Insist on personal notes written on soothing pink paper.
6. Make a list. Check it twice. Find out who is naughty and nice.
7. Get in touch with your inner Kewpie Doll. If you don’t know what that means you should run away and join a carnival.
8. Ask yourself for good advice. But take it with a grain of salt. How come? Because I don’t trust people who talk to themselves. Who’s talking to themselves? You are, dummy. Who you calling a dummy, you big nerd? Oh yeah? Yeah! Okay, smarty pants, let’s take it outside. Any time, punk...
9. Identify Keystone work habits. These are habits that the Keystone Kops would use. They will lead to more efficient pratfalls, pie fights, and trousers lowering to half mast.
10. Anticipate obstacles and obliterate them with a helium death ray. I just happen to have the franchise on these babies, and I can let you have one for a cool 20 bucks. Just meet me at the Starbucks in 10 minutes, and bring lots of penny loafers.
In the time that it’s taken you to read this you could have invested in a gold mine in South Africa and made a fortune — that should teach you to use your time more wisely!
Tim grew up in the Midwest. His parents were from Norway. He now lives in Provo, Utah. He has written several novels and biographies He works in social media and is a content provider for the political humor blog http://iwritetheblogggs.com/