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Battle of the D.C. Network Stars
Will Durst

The ongoing warfare between Omarosa Manigault-Newman and President Donald Trump is more scarily delicious than an underbaked blueberry muffin covered in strawberry marshmallow sauce and wasabi sprinkles. This “D.C. Battle of the Network Stars” is escalating into mouth-to-mouth combat between the master of sleazy opportunism and his star pupil. “Take the pebble from my hand, grasshopper. Hey, put the knife down. Oww.”

Working with the Donald for 10 years and being fired four times by him has certainly taught the lady a thing or two. She’s the Frankenstein monster that he and reality television created. An intern who perfected the same kind of oblivious character assassination and complete lack of moral integrity as the aerodynamic coif himself. She has out-Trumped Trump. He must be so proud.

After she revealed secretly recorded conversations including her own firing in the Situation Room, the president called Omarosa a lowlife and a dog. Live by the scheming treachery, die by the scheming treachery. All this is detailed in her book about her time with the president, with the understated title of “Unhinged.” The next book will be called “Crackers and Nuts.”

Trump’s lawyers contend she signed a non-disclosure agreement and have threatened to sue. But legal scholars argue she didn’t work for him, she worked for the American people and NDAs are not applicable or enforceable. And considering the multitudes of officials who’ve already left, negative books are going to rain down on this administration like an avalanche of righteous bile. When Dorothy was in Oz and said “people come and go so quickly here,” she might have been talking about Trump’s White House.

The New York Times reports Manigault-Newman may have 200 other tapes, and claims to be able to get her hands on the legendary recording of the New York City real estate developer casually tossing around the “N” word on the set of “The Apprentice.” Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders said she can’t guarantee there’s not a tape of Trump using racial slurs. And when SHE starts distancing herself from the boss, it’s time to hunker down deep enough to feel the heat of hell on your backside.

America doesn’t need a secret tape to tell us that Trump is a racist. His birther stance, statements after Charlottesville and lifetime of actions are proof of that. Then again, even if a tape does surface, his supporters wouldn’t care. They’d rationalize that its okay for him to use the “N” word because rap artists say it all the time. “Eddie Murphy made a career out of it.” 

Trump distracted non-stop coverage of his former aide’s charges by stripping former CIA Director John Brennan of his security clearance, and the Washington Post reports he has plans to cancel the clearances of other critics to distract the media during unfavorable news cycles. So, in the next year, expect approximately 365 security clearances to be revoked.

But the prospect of further White House recordings has staffers trembling like a hyperactive weasel with eczema sliding down a ski jump. They routinely hear so much horrible stuff at work, who can be entirely positive they didn’t pull a Billy Bush and sycophantically agree with something absolutely dreadful said by someone else? 

Trump’s best people best be terrified.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comic and former sod farmer in New Berlin, Wisconsin.