LARNED — You’ve got questions? I’ve got answers. Answers to your most puzzling sports questions.
WHY WOULD THE BOSTON CELTICS HIRE A 16-YEAR-OLD AS THEIR NEW COACH? Well, they really didn’t. The baby-faced Brad Stevens is actually 36 years old but there are questions as to whether he has ever shaved or not. Every woman who watched an NCAA tournament in the last five years has fallen in love with the cherubic Stevens BUT, the dude CAN coach a little bit. Stevens has the best first-five year start of any basketball coach in NCAA history with his 139 wins with the Butler Bulldogs. I think Celtics’ general manager Danny Ainge sees a little of himself in Stevens and didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger and get Stevens as soon as former coach Doc Rivers landed with the LA Clippers. As Ainge goes about rebuilding the legendary Celtic franchise, he looked for young and smart and energetic. Those words are right beside Stevens picture in the dictionary!
I HEAR THAT A MEMBER OF THE CANADIAN NATIONAL CURLING TEAM HAS BEEN BANNED FOR USING STEROIDS. IS THAT TRUE? Before I answer that, can I pose a question? Who cares? Curling? Is that a sport or something old guys do in the wintertime with their wives’ old brooms? Didn’t curling get its’ start when a water line broke and flooded a bowling alley? Anyway, yes it is true. He was banned for two years which must have sent shock waves throughout all of Canada. OH CANADA!
WHAT GOLDEN BELT AREA BOYS BASKETBALL TEAM HAS MADE THE MOST APPEARANCES AT THE STATE TOURNAMENT? That’s a head-scratcher when you consider the recent successes of Macksville, St.John and others but the numbers don’t lie. The Great Bend Black Panthers with 16 total appearances come in first followed by Macksville with 13. Claflin’s 12 and Larned’s 11 appearances were in the running too. The Black Panthers have only been able to bring home two championships out of those 16 appearances but the St. John Tigers have won four championships in their seven appearances. In girls tournaments St.John has made nine trips to the state tournament, edging out Great Bend’s eight and Larned’s seven. The ladies have only had a state tournament since 1973.
IS DENNIS RODMAN GOING TO BE OUR NEXT SECRETARY OF STATE? I don’t think so. The United States couldn’t afford to keep him in jewelry! Earrings, lip rings and studs, nose studs, belly-button rings and there’s probably more but I’m afraid to look. Rodman’s got more puncture holes in him than Jimmy Hoffa’s body! On the other hand, Rodman DID get an audience with North Korea’s Kim Jong-un, something our state department hasn’t been able to accomplish. “Keeping us safe is not my job,” Rodman insists. “But I’ll tell you this: If I don’t finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something’s seriously wrong.” The guy’s got a point, considering the qualifications of some of the recent Nobel Peace Prize winners. Rodman for President bumper stickers will be available at the offices of this newspaper soon!
IS OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY’S PRESIDENT AS NUTTY AS HE SOUNDS? Yep. Come to think of it, he and Rodman would make a great team. Recently Ohio State University’s Board of Trustees put E. Gordon Gee on notice that one more gaffe and he would be headed for the ranks of the unemployed. Then again, maybe he was just mouthing what Ohio State REALLY wanted to say about Notre Dame. President Gee has said that Notre Dame wasn’t allowed to join the Big Ten because its’ leaders were not good partners. He also said its Roman Catholic priests were “holy hell” on days other than Sunday and joked “those damn Catholics” can’t be trusted. Well Gee, Mr. Gee, tell us what you REALLY think about that other “football factory” school that is in competition with the Ohio State Buckeyes!
Charles Tabler is a contributing writer from Larned.