DEAR SANTA—For Christmas I would like a quarterback for Kansas University. OK, well, I would also like a running back, and , oh maybe, a couple of defensive ends in the 260-pound category and, while you are stuffing the sleigh, maybe an offensive lineman or two, or three………….. 300-pound plus would work. Am I being too greedy here, Santa? Let me know if I am asking for too much but I’m just trying to get coach Beaty competitive. You know if he doesn’t win some games this year , not even Rudolph and his red nose can save him! If you’ve got room, toss in a kicker too!
DEAR SANTA—While we’re talking football Santa, could you toss in a new coach for the Larned Indians? A.B. Stokes is moving on to the college coaching ranks and we need a new coach that wins AND has the kind of quality lifestyle and character that coach Stokes exhibited. That college job was a nice Christmas present for coach Stokes so we just need to complete the cycle and fill the stocking for those Larned fans!
DEAR SANTA—Have you got any backbone there in your workshop? The NCAA is in need of a little. If you could bring a little to them as a Christmas present we would all give you a hug and put out the milk and cookies!
They need the backbone to give us a TRUE playoff in college football. A four-team “Ring Around the Rosey” just doesn’t get it with five major conferences, someone always gets left at the North Pole in tears because they didn’t get to go for a ride.
The NCAA also needs a little backbone when dealing with their “Blueblood” schools when they cross the line in cheating. (We’re thinking North Carolina here as the most recent example.) They don’t hesitate to severely punish the small schools but find ways to not punish the big boys.
DEAR SANTA—Could you pack a rocking chair in your sleigh for Kansas State football coach Bill Snyder? I’m not sure he will willingly use it but, gosh-all-Ebenezer Scrooge, he sure looks like he ought to! There’s not a single fan in Kansas that wants coach Snyder to hang on so long that he loses his touch. Santa, you’re not hiding the next Kansas State football coach in that sack you are carrying are you? Come on, Santa, what’s been going on in that workshop of yours?
DEAR SANTA—You really don’t have to bring us anything! The best Christmas present you could give to all of us KC Royals fans is just to let us keep the players we had this past year. We really don’t like this free agent thing and the thought of losing Eric Hosmer or Mike Moustakas, or Lorenzo Cain or Alcides Escobar upsets us enough to burn the Christmas goose! Talk about getting a lump of coal in your stocking for Christmas! We love our Royals Santa, just let us keep them!
DEAR SANTA—For Christmas, could you fix this Star Spangled Banner thing? I don’t know how you’re going to do it but with the help of the Elves, Mrs. Santa and Rudolph and the other Reindeer, can’t you come up with something? Maybe letting the Reindeer and Rudolph graze on the sidelines and leaving their little deposits would make everyone want to stop taking a knee on the sideline! We’re tired of all of the drama, Santa. Gosh, all we ever wanted was to watch a ball game, not have someone get political on us!
Thanks a lot Santa. We’ll leave the light on for you and don’t miss the milk and cookies!
Buddy Tabler is a guest columnist for the Great Bend Tribune and his views don’t necessarily reflect those of the paper. He can be reached at email@example.com.