I need a laugh. 

The news is tragic and negative; the constant barrage of politics and the sadness in our  world is enough to send one into a tailspin. 

Help!

A friend gave me this list of “Amazing Home Remedies.” Perhaps I might learn a few more tips on cleaning with hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and vinegar? No, these tips are better than that! Ready? Laugh.

Amazing, Simple, Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments about the toilet seat. Use the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers, simply cut yourself and bleed a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap laced on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives...Then you will be afraid to cough at all.

7. You only need two tools in life...WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use duct tape.

8. If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

9. And last, always remember this. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 

There, now. Oh, some of you don’t think those are funny? Well, now. Let’s look at some more tips. Maybe how to stay young? Yes, that’s funny. But, really, these are serious.

1. Laugh often. Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots of time with her/him. (My friends make me laugh, but they don’t know it!)

2. Use your brain. Do crosswords, play games, read thought-provoking books. Keep learning (and forgetting)!

3. Be sociable. Be open to make new friends. Tell the people you love that you love them. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (If after reading this, your cheerful friends are avoiding you, then you have identified “the grouch”.) 

4. Exercise more. Work in the yard. Take walks, breathe deep. Jog. Find something that makes you get up out of that chair or couch. Do knee bends. Do something! (I do. I do. I open and close the refrigerator door, open, close, open close. )

5. Eat oily fish, lots of veggies, less dark meat, less carbohydrates. (But you can eat all the pickles you want)

6. Eat less. In a restaurant, order what you like. Then eat half of it. (I am still working on this one!)

7. Stretch and Strengthen. (My best ones are on my back on the floor!) 

8. Protect your skin. (Don’t smoke, use a skin protector from the sun’s rays) 

9. Forgive those who have hurt you. Forgive yourself for your slips. (That’s the hard part.)

10. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, books, movies, hobbies, keepsakes, music, plants, etc. Your home is your refuge. (But don’t hoard.)

11. There will be sad times. Life is rough. Tears happen. Grieve, take your time...we are all different. And then, move on. Live to the fullest while you are still on this earth. (Refer to #5. Live life to the fullest. Eat a box of chocolates.) 

There are tips I have forgotten. Write me and tell me what you think Bluegrasses@gmail.com    juditabler@awomansview   (That’s all. No .com).

Judi Tabler lives in Pawnee County and is a guest columnist for the Great Bend Tribune. She can be reached at bluegrasses@gmail.com. Visit her website juditabler.com.