While men are often more reticent about their feelings, they still wrestle with the same insecurities that women do when it comes to dating. And when we asked 15 single men how they really feel, they were surprisingly direct. This is what some of them had to say.
1. We are really nervous when we ask you out.
Stephen talked about how nervous he feels when he asks a girl out. Coming up with a plan isn't easy, either. Sometimes we have a hard time coming up with ideas. He loves a girl that isnt afraid to offer a few suggestions.
Jeffrey says that girls dont realize how hard it is for guys to ask them out. A guy "doesnt know the girl that well, hes got to plan everything, spend money . . . look nice, use deodorant . . . its a big deal.
2. We dont want you to read too much into a first date.
Several guys suggest not reading too much into a first date. Michael says, If I go on a date, even if I go on a second date, Im interested in finding out more about you. It doesnt mean Im ready to commit. Ill be clear about when Im ready.
Lee and Edgar share this frustration. They act differently on dates, he says. "They act more formal. That mentality changes the whole date and creates awkward moments," says Edgar.
3. We like it when you smile.
Stephen explains, If they dont smile, its hard to judge how your relationship is. But a smile is like a green light that I can ask you out.
Josiah adds, If theyre open, theyre talking, theyre smiling, that makes it easier.
4. We are attracted to women with goals.
Michael likes girls with some kind of passion they are pursuing" while Jeffrey is engaged to a girl who wants to go places and has an idea of what she wants to do with her life.
Kyle adds, When a girl actually cares about herself, and cares about others, its just so attractive. Kyle listens carefully when girls talk about their goals because he wants to know that his wife could take care of the children if something happened to him. He wants the relationship to be an equal one. I want to be the best person I can be for her, he said.
5. We may feel a little awkward on our first date.
Lee says, Dont be too critical on the first date. We might be not talking enough or talking too much because were nervous.
Eric adds, I wish they knew that sometimes were a little awkward and nervous. Thats not necessarily a reflection of who we are.
Francisco asks girls to give guys a chance. Dont make conclusions about the guy right off from the first date. Get to know him a bit.
6. Once weve asked you out, the ball is in your court.
The date can be tough for the guys. Lee says, The guy already has an uphill battle. Theres a lot of pressure. Hes got to entertain her, have a good time." He appreciates a girl that makes some effort during the date.
Alexander adds, Respond more. Dont make him do all the work. React positively. Dont act bored.
Francisco says he just had a great first date. She was proactive. It was 50-50. It was not just one side. He was really happy when she said, Yeah, youre awesome, I like you. Lets go out again.
7. We would love more cues.
Jacob says he would love more cues. Sometimes I wish that a girl Ive been out with several times would give more cues. Is it a free meal, or is she really interested in me?
Bradford has also dealt with mixed signals. He gave up on one girl only to find out later she actually liked him. The standard phrase, I had a good time, doesnt mean much to him. He prefers something more personal like, I really enjoyed your company.
Jeffrey adds that guys really like it when girls compliment them. Guys dont like to admit this, but they need to hear it, too.
Kyle added, We love to be wanted and needed. I feel like its the guys chasing, chasing, chasing. If you dont give any signs that you like us then its not going to work.
8. We are afraid of your friends.
Josiah says how hard it is to approach girls who are clumped together. When theyre all crowded, it makes it hard to single one out.
Reed added that it's difficult to get to know a girl if she is constantly "joined at the hip" with her friends. Nobody can penetrate the circle.
9. Modesty Matters.
Wade explains, If you go on a date with a girl, and shes not dressed modestly, it can make it more uncomfortable. I asked him to elaborate. He wouldnt.
But Kyle adds that its nice when a girl gets ready and tries her best to look attractive.
10. We really think youre something.
These guys love girls. Kyle says, I feel like girls know us better than we know ourselves. Thats why we go crazy. We cant handle it sometimes.
Francisco loves it when girls wait for him to open the door. Women are to be treated like queens. Most girls do not realize how beautiful and loved they are.
Its apparent that while these guys are sometimes afraid of girls, they still really respect them.
What do you really think about dating?
1. We are really nervous when we ask you out.
Stephen talked about how nervous he feels when he asks a girl out. Coming up with a plan isn't easy, either. Sometimes we have a hard time coming up with ideas. He loves a girl that isnt afraid to offer a few suggestions.
Jeffrey says that girls dont realize how hard it is for guys to ask them out. A guy "doesnt know the girl that well, hes got to plan everything, spend money . . . look nice, use deodorant . . . its a big deal.
2. We dont want you to read too much into a first date.
Several guys suggest not reading too much into a first date. Michael says, If I go on a date, even if I go on a second date, Im interested in finding out more about you. It doesnt mean Im ready to commit. Ill be clear about when Im ready.
Lee and Edgar share this frustration. They act differently on dates, he says. "They act more formal. That mentality changes the whole date and creates awkward moments," says Edgar.
3. We like it when you smile.
Stephen explains, If they dont smile, its hard to judge how your relationship is. But a smile is like a green light that I can ask you out.
Josiah adds, If theyre open, theyre talking, theyre smiling, that makes it easier.
4. We are attracted to women with goals.
Michael likes girls with some kind of passion they are pursuing" while Jeffrey is engaged to a girl who wants to go places and has an idea of what she wants to do with her life.
Kyle adds, When a girl actually cares about herself, and cares about others, its just so attractive. Kyle listens carefully when girls talk about their goals because he wants to know that his wife could take care of the children if something happened to him. He wants the relationship to be an equal one. I want to be the best person I can be for her, he said.
5. We may feel a little awkward on our first date.
Lee says, Dont be too critical on the first date. We might be not talking enough or talking too much because were nervous.
Eric adds, I wish they knew that sometimes were a little awkward and nervous. Thats not necessarily a reflection of who we are.
Francisco asks girls to give guys a chance. Dont make conclusions about the guy right off from the first date. Get to know him a bit.
6. Once weve asked you out, the ball is in your court.
The date can be tough for the guys. Lee says, The guy already has an uphill battle. Theres a lot of pressure. Hes got to entertain her, have a good time." He appreciates a girl that makes some effort during the date.
Alexander adds, Respond more. Dont make him do all the work. React positively. Dont act bored.
Francisco says he just had a great first date. She was proactive. It was 50-50. It was not just one side. He was really happy when she said, Yeah, youre awesome, I like you. Lets go out again.
7. We would love more cues.
Jacob says he would love more cues. Sometimes I wish that a girl Ive been out with several times would give more cues. Is it a free meal, or is she really interested in me?
Bradford has also dealt with mixed signals. He gave up on one girl only to find out later she actually liked him. The standard phrase, I had a good time, doesnt mean much to him. He prefers something more personal like, I really enjoyed your company.
Jeffrey adds that guys really like it when girls compliment them. Guys dont like to admit this, but they need to hear it, too.
Kyle added, We love to be wanted and needed. I feel like its the guys chasing, chasing, chasing. If you dont give any signs that you like us then its not going to work.
8. We are afraid of your friends.
Josiah says how hard it is to approach girls who are clumped together. When theyre all crowded, it makes it hard to single one out.
Reed added that it's difficult to get to know a girl if she is constantly "joined at the hip" with her friends. Nobody can penetrate the circle.
9. Modesty Matters.
Wade explains, If you go on a date with a girl, and shes not dressed modestly, it can make it more uncomfortable. I asked him to elaborate. He wouldnt.
But Kyle adds that its nice when a girl gets ready and tries her best to look attractive.
10. We really think youre something.
These guys love girls. Kyle says, I feel like girls know us better than we know ourselves. Thats why we go crazy. We cant handle it sometimes.
Francisco loves it when girls wait for him to open the door. Women are to be treated like queens. Most girls do not realize how beautiful and loved they are.
Its apparent that while these guys are sometimes afraid of girls, they still really respect them.
What do you really think about dating?
