HOLLYWOOD  - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder refused to change the team’s nickname this week. It’s about doing the right thing. The Atlanta Braves just removed the screaming Indian from the team uniform and replaced it with an Asian kid being accepted to Harvard.
Chevrolet introduced its seventh-generation Corvette Tuesday which is designed for young drivers They said the average age of a Corvette driver is 60. However that averages out to 45, if you factor in the 30-year-old stripper in the passenger seat.
Olympic star Oscar Pistorius was indicted in South Africa for killing his lover. He shot her four times through the bathroom door, saying he thought she was a burglar. He wants to move the trial to L.A. where a man is innocent until he tries to steal his memorabilia back.
The White House released video of the First Family’s new dog Sunny on Monday. She will undergo the usual training. Sunny will stay in the White House Press Room until sitting up and begging and rolling over and humping the president’s leg are second nature.
President Obama met the legendary undefeated Miami Dolphins team of 40 years ago at the White House. They even scored a Super Bowl TD on a pass play drawn up for them by President Richard Nixon. It’s the only blemish on an otherwise perfect record.
Al-Jazeera America started its news channel Tuesday but they’ve had trouble finding sponsors. They must be creative. If Allstate could hire George W. Bush to play Mayhem in their Al jazeera commercials, let’s just say it would certainly reach their target audience.
Dick Van Dyke’s Jaguar caught fire as he was driving on a freeway in L.A. Monday. His rescuer pulled him out through the driver’s window just before the Jag exploded. It’s a tribute to Dick Van Dyke that eyewitnesses said they never laughed so hard in their lives.
The NY Yankees enjoyed a huge spike in ticket sales since Alex Rodriguez returned amid doping charges and game-winning homers. He’s reborn. Last night A-Rod went to the hospital and promised a dying kid he’d fill an inside straight for him after the game.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz said Monday he will renounce any claim he may have to dual Canadian citizenship. He was born in Canada to an American mother and a Cuban father. It’s got Americans trying to remember if and when Lucy and Ricky went to Toronto.
The Cato Institute found Americans can get more money from welfare benefits than many jobs. The bureaucracy makes it worse. A welfare worker reported that one female applicant hasn’t had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.
Manhattan’s federal judge banned the city’s Stop and Frisk policy last Friday. Its use varies. In New York, Stop and Frisk is used by cops to pat down suspects on the street and in San Diego Stop and Frisk is used by the city’s mayor to make sure he’s not dreaming.
The Clinton Presidential Library had a party on Clinton’s birthday Monday. Southern farmers love him for passing NAFTA and ending the tariffs that started the Civil War. It’s the least he could do for them in return for all the farmer’s daughter jokes he re-enacted.
Caroline Kennedy’s ambassadorship nomination forced her to reveal that she owns oil and gas wells in Oklahoma and Texas. She should flaunt the dirty little secret. No one knows if Caroline would be the first Democrat, the first woman or the first Kennedy allowed to join the Petroleum Club but it must be a great civil rights moment for somebody.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.