HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
South Carolina saw its first White Christmas Saturday when blizzards swept the South.
Everything’s iced over.
It was so cold in South Carolina that civil rights demonstrators were demanding that Admiral Byrd’s flag be lowered at the state capitol.   
New York completely shut down Monday after a driving blizzard closed all three airports. The canceled flights stranded everybody.
Airline employees went through the terminal with 40,000 blankets and within an hour they’d sold all of them.  
Haiti erupted in rioting over the cholera epidemic Monday as roaming street mobs lynched voodoo priests from trees and lampposts.
It’s a familiar story.
When the witch doctors stopped taking Medicare patients the seniors didn’t take it so well.      
Budweiser heir August Busch’s lover died in his home Thursday under suspicious conditions. Thirty years ago another one of his girlfriends died mysteriously.
He just asked for a change of venue to Los Angeles so he can be tried under celebrity law.
Hugh Hefner announced he will marry 24-old Crystal Harris. Everyone’s thrilled.
Her parents have been waiting for the day when she’d be changing diapers and straining baby food, but she doesn’t plan to invite them to her honeymoon.
Homeland Security arrested a man at Los Angeles Airport trying to enter the U.S. with 14 pounds of cocaine disguised as Easter eggs.
That distorts the Easter message. This doesn’t say that he is risen, this says that he’s been up for four days.
GOP House Speaker John Boehner vowed Monday that Health Care Reform will never be implemented while Republicans control Congress. He takes the battle over the health care law very seriously. That 10 percent tax on tanning salons hits him where he lives.   
Hawaii’s Governor Neil Abercrombie vowed Monday to release President Obama’s birth records.
Obama spent his youth moving from Hawaii to Indonesia to Los Angeles and then to Harvard. Every step of his life took him further and further away from America.   
Scenic Traveler RV Center in Wisconsin reported a 25 percent increase in the sale of recreational vehicles in the last six months.
It’s a smart economic decision by consumers.
Bankers can’t foreclose on something they can’t catch.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)