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Belly up to the amnesty bar, boys
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BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The White House directed federal prosecutors to drop deportation cases against illegal aliens unless they’re criminals.
It’s a new country.
Ten years ago the most popular drink in Phoenix was “Sex on the Beach” and now it’s “Amnesty with a Wink.”
Gov. Jan Brewer asked a U.S. judge to renew Arizona’s immigration law despite evidence that many Mexicans have gone home.
Arizonans are having to adjust to life with fewer illegal aliens. Just last week three people in Scottsdale returned their new leaf blowers to the hardware store demanding the one James Bond had in Thunderball.
The San Diego Padres game was halted Wednesday when a woman ran onto the field carrying a Mexican flag. The fans in the stands took a humanitarian view.
They figured if she was smuggling pot across the border and into the stadium, it could help the umpire see again.
President Obama was picketed at Martha’s Vineyard Thursday by fishermen demanding an end to new federal catch limits.
They cut off offshore drilling, now they’re cutting off fishing.
Sea World dolphins are going to kill a dolphin a year until all their demands are met.
The N.Y. City Council approved the building of a 100-story skyscraper built next to the Empire State Building. It’s to attract business. The city is so focused on moving movie production to New York they are offering King Kong two exercise poles.
New York education regents approved a textbook Friday that glorifies Islam and criticizes the Christian heritage of America’s Founding Fathers.
Hopefully the Arabs appreciate that in New York City a Jewish mayor is standing up for the right of Muslims to build a mosque wherever they like.
It’s their Protestant liberty.
New York construction workers vowed Thursday not to help build the Ground Zero Mosque despite the jobs it would provide.
The architect released a blueprint for the planned mosques and the sanctuary is very spacious.
It seats a thousand pilots.
Lindsay Lohan was let out of rehab early Wednesday so she can start shooting a new movie.
It’s a life lesson.
There are millions of girls in America who never did drugs, never drank, and were never late to work, and nobody would pay a nickel to see them.
The Las Vegas Tourism and Convention Bureau said Tuesday that Las Vegas hotels will offer record-low room and show prices this fall.
The magicians are astoundingly talented. David Copperfield now closes each show by selling his house.
Los Angeles sweltered in triple-digit temperatures Thursday when the Santa Ana winds came in off the desert.
Tourists aren’t mollified when you tell them that it’s just dry heat. Their ovens back home have dry heat but they don’t go there on vacation.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at