HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange threatened to release an encrypted poison pill cache of secret U.S. documents.
He could expose everything the administration has done. Americans haven’t seen so many people in high places nervous since Heidi Fleiss got arrested.
WikiLeaks’ Julian Assange vowed Monday to release secret White House cables to BP and BP cables to the White House about the Gulf spill.
BP isn’t ashamed of its cables.
It’s perfectly natural for an oil man to refer to Lake Tahoe as a water slick.
Hillary Clinton slammed WikiLeaks Monday for releasing secret State Department cables.
They reveal nothing we don’t already know.
If Hillary wants to keep a cable secret she’ll hand it to Obama and tell him to stash it next to wherever he keeps his birth certificate.      
President Obama compromised Monday, agreeing to extend tax cuts for Republicans in exchange for added jobless benefits for Democrats.
Things are dire.
Last week Martha Stewart baked a gingerbread house for her TV show and yesterday it went into foreclosure.
Obama didn’t thank Republicans or Democrats for their help in crafting the compromise on tax cuts and jobless benefits Monday. Like most politicians, he can be self-centered.
In Berlin two years ago Obama gave a speech in front of a column commemorating three German wars of aggression and he thought the cheering was for him.
Jack Kennedy was voted America’s favorite former president in a Gallup Poll out Monday. He was judged by the discreet personal standards of his time and not the tabloid standards of today’s times.
Young people won’t believe it, but there was a time in this country when a Democrat could go to confession and that would be the end of it.
The Weather Channel reported snow, ice storms and freezing temperatures across the country Monday.
Reactions vary by region.
When it’s 40 degrees below zero outside, people in Miami die, hell freezes over and Minnesota schools open two hours late.
Texas was hit by brushfires Monday when cold dry winds swept across the Lone Star State. It was intense. Yesterday Willie Nelson was pulled over by Texas cops and when he opened the door, more smoke poured into the bus than poured out of the bus.
FIFA’s selection committee denied taking bribes Friday after choosing Qatar to host the World Cup.
It was a mistake to send Bill Clinton to make the pitch for the U.S. He can’t accuse anybody else of getting something under the table without the room erupting in laughter.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)