Using a new scientific breakthrough that measures the increase in Beryllium-10, researchers have discovered the Koch brothers are thousands of years older than previously thought. This sudden increase in maturity puts the Klimate Kriminal Kochs in fairly august company. Polar bears, Peking Man, Stonehenge and Ebola are also now thought to be much older than previously assumed.
In the Koch’s case it works out to be about 19,000 years.
Of course, like global warming scientists everywhere, I’m just inferring. This time based on a breathless story from AFP, the French Press Agency. It contends, “Greenhouse gases were the driving force behind global glacier retreat at the end of the last Ice Age, echoing current climate change...”
The study contends that starting approximately 19,000 years ago atmospheric CO2 began increasing and over the next 7,000 years glaciers melted until reaching an equilibrium that lasted until Donald Trump discovered jet-powered aviation.
Uncertainty pervades research in old global warming just like it infects research on current “global warming.” Oregon State University’s Peter Clark thinks the “most likely scenario...is that huge quantities of carbon [gas] bubble up from the sea.”
That explanation may be good enough for the esteemed doctor, but blaming the big melt on fish flatus roiling the surface of the ocean just doesn’t resonate with me. That’s why I lean toward re-dating the Kochs.
In keeping with “warming” reporting the adjectives describing the research increase in intensity as the evidence for the theory becomes ever more elusive: “The results were unequivocal. ‘The only factor that explains glaciers melting all around the world in unison during the end of the Ice Age is the rise in greenhouse gases,’” said Jeremy Shakun of Boston College.
But somehow carbon levels that opened Europe to settlement and stranded Indians in North America after the land bridge to Asia melted, don’t add up to what scientists predict is in store for modern man.
During the study Beryllium-10 readings were taken from glacial rocks exposed to sunlight, presumably after the ice melted. These figures were compared to carbon dioxide trapped in ice cores taken from deep under the surface. Since neither the rocks nor the ice comes with a sell-by date there is naturally some margin for error. Our certain scientists contend that over 7,000 years CO2 went from 180 parts per million on the day the Kochs were born to 280 ppm when the ice stopped melting and polar bears quit treading water.
So far so good. Now Shakun contends in only 150 years of capitalists raping the planet that CO2 levels have jumped from 280 ppm to what they contend is an unprecedented 400 ppm without any help from the fish.
So if an increase of 100 ppm over 7,000 years was enough to strand the Comanches and grow wheat in Greenland, shouldn’t a jump of 220 ppm in only 150 years leave us all looking like the last wiener on 7/11’s rotating grill?
AFP may think the connection is “unequivocal” but the thermostat disagrees.
The Daily Mail, by way of the SPPI blog, contends tree ring research proves it was warmer in Roman and Medieval times than it is today. And in fact, “the earth has been slowly COOLING for 2,000 years.”
And the cause is not the whale’s discovery of Beano. These scientists postulate changes in the distance between the sun - a giant thermonuclear furnace that global warmists ignore because they can’t control it - and the earth caused the decline.
While the AFP scientists have been collecting rocks and drilling up the permafrost, the Daily Mail group has been cutting into “semi-fossilized tree rings found in Finnish lapland.” Their research provides an accurate temperature record from 138 BC to the present.
This might explain why, thanks to the Daily Caller, we now know that in September “the Earth will be entering its 21st year without statistically significant warming trend, according to satellite-derived temperature data.”
And this is in spite of the worst the Koch brothers can do, regardless of age.
After postulating a theory most scientists attempt to test the hypothesis and compare results with the theory. Galileo thought a ten-pound cannonball would fall faster than a ten-pound bag of feathers until he tested the theory and found it was wrong.
So he revised his theory, rather than conduct a new test by releasing ten pounds of individual feathers compared with one cannonball.
Global warmists don’t operate that way. When the data doesn’t support the theory, they drop individual feathers, change measurement metrics, blame the Kochs and call non-believing scientists “deniers.”
And when all else fails, they deploy reporters to bring out the heavy adjectives.
Michael Shannon is a commentator and public relations consultant, and is the author of “A Conservative Christian’s Guidebook for Living in Secular Times.” He can be reached at email@example.com