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Eeney meeney chili beaney ... Elijah Friedeman
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We’re almost at the end of 2010, which means it’s time for some new year’s predictions.
The great thing about predictions for the coming year is that no one will remember all the wrong ones I make — which will probably be the vast majority. And if I happen to make a stunningly brilliant prediction, I get the chance to harp on it for a whole year.
It’s a win-win situation for me.
In this list, I’ve tried to fit in predictions about politics, culture, technology, sports, and science. I’m counting on diversifying my predictions enough so that I stand a better chance of getting more of them right.
So here we go, my rapid-fire predictions for 2011:
There won’t be any BP oil spills in the Gulf of Mexico this year.
Facebook will hit the billion-person mark towards the end of 2011.
Lady Gaga be replaced by another attention-hungry pop star as the most ridiculous person in America.
Apple will come out with a product that supposedly revolutionizes some aspect of technology. Whatever the new product is, it will set technology sales records.
A lineman will win the Heisman trophy. Trust me, it’ll happen.
To the chagrin of most football fans, the New England Patriots will win the Superbowl yet again.
Brett Favre will call it quits and retire from football. And he won’t come out of retirement to play in the 2011 football season.
Scientists will make a supposedly earth-shattering discovery that will turn out to be either wrong or inconsequential.
Adult stem cell research will result in a major medical breakthrough that will revolutionize our treatment of a disease or sickness. But this discovery won’t get nearly as much press as it should.
The Christian leader who’s predicting that Jesus is coming back on May 21, and all his followers, will be really disappointed when that day comes and goes without the Second Coming taking place.
Political correctness will continue its ugly march, with this year’s casualty being the United States Postal Service. In 2011, we will cease to have “mailmen” they will become “mail persons.”
The new GOP-led House will make some spending cuts, but most of these will be for show and will do very little to fix our debt problem.
We won’t get to 2012 without someone — Israel or us — bombing Iran.
Sarah Palin shouldn’t, and probably won’t, run for president. If she somehow doesn’t read this prediction and decides to run, she’ll lose in the GOP primary.
Next prediction — all the people who love Sarah Palin will hate me for saying that Palin will lose if she runs for president.
Against all odds, and even with his baggage, Newt Gingrich will be the obvious front-runner for the GOP’s presidential nomination at the end of the year.
Obama will come up with a new campaign slogan for the upcoming presidential campaign. No more Hope and Change for him.
And finally, to the relief of every sane person, and to the chagrin of MSNBC’s broadcast lineup, Obama will stop blaming Bush for his economic woes. But he’ll soon realize that life feels lonely without a scapegoat, so he’ll blame John Boehner and the rest of the House Republicans for all the world’s problems.
So there you have it, the official Millennial Perspective predictions for 2011.
If you want to look really smart around your office or school just print out a copy of this list, sign your name to the bottom, and post it in a very public place.
You’ll look genius when all the predictions come true, guaranteed.
Have a happy New YYear, and don’t spend too much time around Iran’s nuclear facilities — because, well, they’re going to be bombed in 2011.
And like the rest of the predictions on this list, you can shouldn’t bet on it.
(Elijah Friedeman, author of The Millennial Perspective, is the grandson of Janice Friedeman, Great Bend. His columns can also be heard on his father, Matt Friedeman’s, radio program on American Family Radio.)