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Gas price hikes lead to thinner Americans
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HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Oil and Gas Journal warned Monday of $4-a-gallon gasoline if drilling for oil remains curtailed by the White House.
However, the use of ethanol is a win-win deal for every American.
The gasoline is cheaper and it diverts some corn from Frito production.
House Republicans warned of medical treatment delays Tuesday under health care reform rules. That’s unacceptable to Americans.
It’s really annoying when you come home from a trip to Mexico with dysentery then have to travel back to Mexico to get treatment.
China’s President Hu Jintao flew to Washington Tuesday on the wings of the strongest economy in the world. The Chinese people now work 10 hours a day. They used to work eight hours a day like everybody else, but then Wal-Mart decided to stay open until 11.
Hu Jintao was greeted at Reagan National Airport Tuesday by Joe Biden. He has four days of meetings all over the U.S. capital. He’s being accompanied everywhere he goes by 100 Chinese security agents to make sure he doesn’t defect.
Barack Obama and Hu Jintao held a joint press conference on Wednesday. Only two Chinese reporters and two American reporters were permitted to ask them questions. For two guys with no discernible religion they sure seem to like slow-pitch church softball.   
Starbucks rolled out the coffee chain’s new 30-ounce cups of coffee Monday in its New York City and Los Angeles stores. It could revitalize the U.S. economy. People will pour the 30-ounce coffee drinks into four separate cups and go into their own business.
University of California workers were granted a provision in their health care plan Tuesday that pays for sex-change operations. Taxpayers are angry because the money could go to highway repair. The workers are angry because the plan only gives them two options.
Haiti’s exiled dictator Baby Doc Duvalier returned to Haiti from France Monday and faced old charges. His travel options were limited. He tried to enter the U.S. but he was denied a U.S. visa and told he’d have to run across the Mexican border like everybody else.
Italy’s Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi complained of exhaustion Tuesday after the latest round of sex charges. He once collapsed after he threw a state dinner for Russia in Rome, but it wasn’t sex-related.
Vladimir Putin confessed he got a little poison-happy.
Ayatollah Ali Khameni of Iran angered Iranians Tuesday by tweeting messages after he’d banned tweeting in Iran. It’s no big deal.
He’s a moderate compared to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, which means that he believes in beheading and stoning, but also in recycling.
The Golden Globe Awards drew huge ratings for NBC Sunday night. The whole town was on display.
Hollywood is not a town, it’s a Venus Fly Trap which attracts pretty people who want to be famous and smart people who want to sleep with pretty people and devour them.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at