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Health insurance, now thats scary
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HOLLYWOOD  - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Dr. Conrad Murray was released from prison in California after serving two years for accidentally killing Michael Jackson with sleep drug medications. He said he expects to get his medical license back within the month. And you thought ObamaCare was a mess before.
President Obama gave a speech in Boston defending ObamaCare Wednesday. He was agitated over his website’s set-up problems. Don’t you just hate it when no matter how amazing you are at something there’s always an 8-year-old Asian kid who can do it better?
The White House ruled all health care plans must equal ObamaCare coverage. These cover men for pap smears and women for prostate exams. It took five years, a Supreme Court decision and a U.S. government shutdown but Chas Bono is finally covered either way.
West Hollywood held a Halloween parade on Santa Monica Boulevard last night that drew three 300,000 revelers. They were mostly young adults. The grand prize for scariest costume went to a guy who dressed up as the bill for your new health care plan.
House Republicans took turns blasting away at Kathleen Sibelius over the ObamaCare rollout fiasco Wednesday. They should relax. If Republicans really want to get rid of Obamacare they should endorse it as a conservative non-profit and let the IRS take it down.
British merchant ships drove away Somali pirates Monday by blaring Britney Spears songs over the loudspeaker as they approached. She’s doing fine and her baby’s doing fine and her husband isn’t doing anything. It probably reminds the pirates it’s time to go home.
The NSA was reported to have spied on the Vatican phone lines Tuesday. Gossip can be useful. There is growing worry in the Vatican about the declining number of priests in the United States, but on the other hand it does show that our justice system is working.
Native Indians met with the NFL to protest the Washington Redskins name. It’s a lost cause for Indians. When the city you’re trying to shame is named after a slave-owning, whiskey-distilling tobacco farmer good luck getting through to them in sensitivity training.
President Obama’s Facebook account Tuesday was successfully hacked by the Syrian Electronic Army. That was very risky. Ten years ago the Syrian Electronic Army hacked into President Bush’s White House website and he retaliated by overthrowing Radio Shack.
Lawyers Against the War asked Canadian authorities to arrest Dick Cheney for war crimes when he speaks in Canada this week at a forum.
During his last speech he was interrupted 22 times by people screaming. They said they will tell him everything.
Michelle Obama enlisted schoolkids Wednesday to harvest the White House Kitchen Garden. She was teaching them a lesson in community responsibility. If you are going to score ten pounds of candy on Halloween night it costs you two hours of community service.
Kanye West said his fiancee Kim Kardashian belonged on the cover of Vogue this month instead of Michelle Obama because Kim’s more popular. It’s not too late. Somebody needs to tell Kanye West that it’s not bad luck to postpone a wedding, as long as you keep doing it.
The Justice Department tried to force the JP Morgan Chase bank to admit liability for the real estate crash five years ago, opening the door to class action suits. Democrats will do everything they can for trial lawyers. In Boston Wednesday, President Obama assured women that under ObamaCare if they like their husbands, they get to keep their husbands.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at