HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Downton Abby premiered its third season on PBS Sunday, drawing critics who claim it encourages class prejudice. It’s spreading. Lately in Las Vegas, people who play the nickel slots look over at the people playing the penny slots and consider them white trash.
Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant’s wife Vanessa got a seventy-five million dollar divorce settlement Tuesday. It can’t be infidelity. Kobe Bryant hasn’t made a pass at anyone since the time Shaquille O’Neal threatened to kill Kobe if he didn’t throw him the ball.
Apple Stores reported a record two billion apps downloaded by iPhone users in the month of December Monday. There’s a reason Apple sales remain high. It’s because iPhone users are just as oblivious to the recession as they are to the people around them.
The Consumer Electronics Show began in Las Vegas Tuesday starring Samsung’s new seven-foot diagonal TV set. Its high definition shows every little detail. It’s why plastic surgeons pay to advertise on the lower third of the TV screen during the Academy Awards.
New Mexico’s Bill Richardson brought Google chairman Eric Schmidt to North Korea on a humanitarian mission. There’s worry because the Internet is banned in North Korea. This forces people to go to bars and buy drinks if they want to see somebody naked.
Congress hit a new low Monday as Public Policy Poll showed Congress is less popular than a colonoscopy. They only asked the question of people who’d experienced both. It’s a mailing list of everyone who makes four hundred thousand dollars per year or more.
Washington’s Madison Hotel is offering guests a social media butler. They follow you everywhere, take your photos, quote you, and post it all on Facebook. It’s for people who want to end their political careers but don’t have the courage to pull the trigger themselves.
Joe Biden met the NRA, video gamers and entertainment execs at the White House to discuss ways of reducing gun violence. The First Amendment doesn’t allow the government to censor entertainment and the Second Amendment doesn’t allow the government to ban guns. If you want nothing done, the vice president’s always your man.
Zero Dark Thirty won the Best Movie award from New York Film Critics Sunday. It shows that waterboarding helped the CIA track down and kill Osama bin Laden. Faking the drowning of a terror suspect then throwing Osama bin Laden into the ocean is the Republicans’ idea of recycling.
President Obama was urged by liberal economists Tuesday to mint a trillion dollar platinum coin if the GOP forces the U.S. to default in the upcoming debt negotiations. The Treasury would mint the coin and sell it to the Federal Reserve for a trillion dollars and avoid default. It hasn’t been done since the Thirteen Colonies broke away from Zimbabwe.
The Washington Post chided President Obama Tuesday for nominating white men to be Secretary of State, Secretary of Defense and CIA Director. The president didn’t even notice the color of their skin. He just wanted to nominate three people who are anti-Israel.
Chuck Hagel’s nomination for Defense Secretary drew fire from people who are pro-Israel. He’s also made anti-gay remarks. Once Obama started assassinating opponents with drones, nominating a guy with German blood to be in charge of the military was as natural as breathing.
The San Francisco Bay Bridge was side-swiped by an oil tanker Monday in a morning fog. What a close call. Luckily the bridge wasn’t damaged, the tanker was empty, and the oil industry was saved from having to pay ten billion dollars in reparations to New Orleans.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.