HOLLYWOOD --God bless America, and how’s everybody?
L.A. Dodgers rookie and Cuban refugee Yasiel Puig was named Major League Baseball Player of the Month his first month up. His is a typical American success story. Yasiel Puig has only been in Los Angeles 30 days and the INS says they have no way to find him.
Bolivia’s president was forced to land his plane in Vienna to see if NSA fugitive Ed Snowden was aboard Friday. It has economic repercussions. Bolivia’s president is so insulted he just canceled his plans to flood the cocaine market and cut prices in time for Christmas.
Old Glory flew above the U.S. Capitol higher than usual on July Fourth because the flag was made of hemp. It was pushed by legal hemp and pot advocates. Betsy Ross wove the first flag out of hemp and that explains why the revolution consisted of two battles in nine years.
Cairo’s streets were filled with protesters Friday against the coup that overthrew Egypt’s Islamist regime. Our world today owes a huge debt to this nation’s history and culture. Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt in the way everyone writes on walls and worships cats.
Egypt’s army placed deposed President Mohammed Morsi under house arrest Friday in a Cairo suburb. When Egypt’s last revolution overthrew Hosni Mubarek the generals detained him in the same neighborhood. It’s like Governor’s Row at the Illinois State Prison.
Egypt’s military coup overthrowing the Islamist government of Mohammed Morsi prompted varied world reactions Thursday. The coup was condemned by Germany, Italy, France and the African Union. The U.S. and Britain looked up and whistled innocently.
House Republicans vowed to pass an immigration bill which builds a seven-hundred-mile-long fence. It greatly improves the Senate bill. Experts say that a seven-hundred-mile-long fence is the perfect way to protect a border that is nineteen hundred miles long.
NSA fugitive Ed Snowden sounded disheartened Thursday when he blasted the U.S. for preventing him from finding asylum. He was turned down by nineteen different countries last week. If he had wanted to be rejected this much, he would have left his profile up on E-Harmony.
Russian spy Anna Chapman proposed marriage to NSA’s Ed Snowden Friday. She was caught in the U.S. along with nine other Russian spies two years ago and traded to Russia for four U.S. spies. We can’t even effect a spy swap without running up a sixty percent deficit.
Washington Post reporter Dan Balz wrote about Mitt Romney’s run against Barack Obama in a new book titled, Collision 2012. The book asserts that their debate in Boca Raton made history. It’s the first time anyone ever saw a black guy or a Mormon in Boca Raton.
Paula Deen fired her agent Friday in the wake of her admitted past racial slurs. She’s being watched like a hawk now for everything she says. Paula got in trouble again on July Fourth when she said that you can’t get charcoal to work unless you use a hot metal poker.
Barack Obama was in Africa when he ordered ObamaCare delayed for a year despite the law’s mandate to begin this year. It’s not legal for him to do this without Congress. However, until the Egyptian Army can make it across the Atlantic, he’s pretty much got carte blanche.
The Boston Herald ran photos of Secretary of State John Kerry yachting the day that Egypt fell. His cell phone was strapped to his shorts. Thank goodness the NSA was listening to his calls and broke into the conversation to tell him what was going on in Egypt.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.