PALM SPRINGS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
President Obama supported Southern Sudan’s secession from Sudan Sunday to form South Sudan. It reveals his ruthless side.
Backing Southern Secession on Martin Luther King weekend shows the president will do whatever it takes to beat Sarah Palin.   
Obama greeted Hu Jintao at the White House Wednesday and treated him to an official state dinner. The other state dinner he hosted was for India.
We’ve re-adopted the centuries-old British custom of throwing one party a year for the help.
China President Hu Jintao arrived in Washington Tuesday to meet with Obama. Tonight they will honor the Chinese official who planned the trip, made the travel arrangements and transferred the luggage to the hotel. It’s his 10th birthday.
Hu Jintao lectured the U.S. about its currency Sunday ahead of his arrival in Washington for a state dinner. That’s presumptuous. He thinks that just because he loaned us $14 trillion he’ll get to meet Michaela Salahi.
Pope Benedict accused the Chinese government of imposing strict limitations on freedom of religion in China, Thursday. The pope isn’t likely to go too hard on the Chinese.
They make his robes for 10 percent of what the Italians used to charge him.   
Italy’s Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi denied a Roman prosecutor’s charges he paid to have sex with a 17-year-old nightclub stripper Monday. It was a simple misunderstanding. He loaned her $9,000 to help her get back on her feet.
The U.S. government scuttled the virtual fence on the Mexican border Friday and plan to replace it with thermal imagining monitored by Homeland Security.
It’s just going to confuse them.
They’re going to think we’re being invaded by the Blue Man Group.
Nevada led all states on a list published by banks Friday with the highest number of real estate foreclosures. It has spread to the hotel casinos.
The Nevada economy is so bad that Treasure Island in Las Vegas is now being managed by Somali pirates.
The Pentagon issued a study saying it’s time to let women serve in combat. They’ve completed their research.
They threw a terrorist into a cage with Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar and Barbara Walters and witnessed three violations of the Geneva Convention.
The New York Mercantile Exchange saw oil near $100 a barrel Friday. Gas prices could be headed back up to $4 per gallon once again.
By the time summer vacation arrives it will be cheaper to mail your car to wherever you’re going.
(Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.)