HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The Vatican was red-faced Friday when 6,000 commemorative Vatican coins misspelled Jesus Christ’s name as Lesus Christ. How is that possible? It’s a name that is proclaimed all over the world on Sundays, about every 10 times Tony Romo throws a pass.
President Obama refused an offer from Republicans during the debt extension talks Monday and demanded an end to sequester spending cuts. The U.S. government is like the optimist three seconds after he fell off a skyscraper. His only thought is, so far, so good.
President Obama ordered Joe Biden to negotiate with Congress and save the country from default Tuesday. The president didn’t want to be seen as flexible. The next day the Washington Redskins dropped Washington from their name because it was too embarrassing.
The Dallas Cowboys and the Washington Redskins prime-time game on Sunday night drew a sellout crowd in Dallas plus huge TV ratings for NBC. They say that football is a substitute that satisfies our lust for war. And then to be safe we also have a bunch of wars.
Peyton Manning led the Denver Broncos to their sixth consecutive win Sunday over Jacksonville. He can do no wrong. On the other hand, Eli Manning threw up after his team’s sixth consecutive loss Thursday and the toilet returned it 40 yards for a touchdown.
India’s eastern coast was clobbered by Tropical Cycone Phailin on Saturday causing power blackouts throughout South Asia. Much of India lost its electricity and its phone service. The storm left over 300 million Americans without tech support.
The Nobel Prize for Economics was awarded to three U.S. economists Friday. Reaction was swift. When world leaders heard that the Nobel Prize for Economics went to three Americans, they issued a coach’s challenge and demanded that the judges review the tapes.
Nissan introduced its driverless car Friday which can drive, change lanes, brake and park all by itself. They’ll be sold in six years. However, California law will still require the driver to sit behind the steering wheel with one hand on his iPhone and one on his gun.
Los Angeles was hit by an early cold front Friday, throwing the city into early sweater weather. We had to adjust. When it gets cold in L.A., citrus trees are covered in plastic, homeless shelters are given extra blankets, and Charlie Sheen sleeps with an extra hooker.
Alaskan snowmobile daredevil Ricky Coffman broke the world speed record Sunday, reaching 106 an hour. The record was set on water. The snowmobiler credited three factors, a turbocharged engine, a lousy GPS system, and beer.
Detroit former Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was sentenced to twenty-six years in prison Friday for crimes of graft and corruption. He caught a break at his sentencing. The judge ruled that the number of years Kilpatrick lived in Detroit will count as time already served.
A WalMart in Louisiana was bought out by food stamp recipents when the EBT debit card limits got accidentally erased by a computer glitch Sunday. It was an urban crowd. At the the end of the day, the only thing left on the shelves were all the country music CD’s.
Canadians observed Canada’s Thanksgiving Day Monday the day that the U.S. marked Columbus Day. Canada has health care and a working government. The brain is divided into two parts, the half that demands satisfaction of every impulse and the other half that controls every impulse, and apparently North America is divided along the same lines.