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Thanksgiving 2013
Raging Moderate
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Ahh. Thanksgiving. Best Holiday Ever! Love it all. The fact that a national holiday falls not on a Monday but a Thursday. How wacky is that? A regular Thursday in dead-solid center fall. Where the weather could be 80 and sunny, or 20 and snowing. Or, in certain parts of the Midwest, both.
Love the fact that it’s all about food, family, friends and football. Four of the five F’s. Remain seriously amused by the winking, obsessive conspiracy that binds an entire nation together concerning the specifics of the ritual burning of a large, flightless bird. Free range. Brine. Air chill. To stuff or not to stuff. Seriously, is that the question?
You’d have to be a third-stage tertiary Grinch not to love a parade featuring 80-foot helium-filled balloons. Snoopy bouncing off a light pole. Ending with the season’s first appearance of the corpulent, bearded one in the scarlet suit.
Don’t forget the silly, creeping madness of Black Friday, which now begins early Thursday and threatens to encompass the entire week. People camping out for days. To save, what... six bucks? But for those tented hours, they are adventurous pioneers. Marvel Super-Consumers.
And love the way that though this pageant of greed and gluttony lasts four whole days, when all is said and done, even amidst the drunken family brawling, sometimes moments for reflection can still be found. And you can bet that this round-headed political comic has much to be thankful for. Among them being:
The 113th Congress, which has the unique ability to make hysterical lunacy seem so ordinary.
Barack Obama, for finally making the presidency mock-worthy again.
Sarah Palin, who refuses to shut up no matter how tightly irrelevancy embraces her.
Vice President Joe Biden, for gaining immeasurable respect just by shutting up.
The Cheney family, who apparently feel about each other the same way the rest of us do.
Ted Cruz, for not only grabbing the national right-wing nut job baton from Michele Bachmann, but waving it high.
Pope Benedict, for his inability to hide a scowl whenever Pope Francis does... anything.
Chris Christie, for so generously providing such a large, target-rich environment.
The Tea Party, for waving their arms in the air like they just don’t care.
Alec Baldwin, for truly embodying the phrase... “He who lives by the sword, dies swallowing the sword.”
Mitt Romney, for disappearing so completely, we’re left to wonder if he really ever existed at all.
John Boehner, Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell for their strict adherence to the musical advice, “don’t go changing.”
Obamacare, because who can’t appreciate a website rollout that “could have gone smoother.” An anvil studded with titanium spikes could have rolled smoother.
Walter White, for altering the calculus of what it means to go out on your own terms.
The NRA and the NSA, for just being themselves.
Anthony Weiner, for his series of continuing comebacks. May he experience many more.
Rob Ford, for proving that California is not the source of all political wackiness in the world.
The GOP, waging an internal war for its very soul. GOP Soul. Short book. Put it on the shelf right next to Barack Obama Leadership Skills. Paula Deen at the Apollo.
Vladimir Putin, for proving that Toronto is not the source of all political wackiness in the world.
Will Durst’s new one-man show, “Boomeraging: From LSD to OMG,” in its final three Tuesdays at the Marsh, San Francisco. Through Dec. 17. Or to find his calendar.
Will Durst is a political comedian who has performed around the world. He is a familiar pundit on television and radio. Email Will at Check out for the latest podcast.