HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Spike Lee vowed he will boycott Quentin Tarantino’s new movie Django Unchained, saying it turns slavery into a spaghetti western. The hero escapes slavery and kills all the white guys in the South. Seventy-five years later, the Japanese just walk into California.
Psychology Today warned that post-holiday blues may trigger depression as people return to their normal lives next week. The good news is, researchers at NYU have discovered a technique that erases fear and bad memories in humans. It’s called whiskey.
Queen Elizabeth gave her annual Christmas speech on Tuesday. She’s loved by young and old alike. Older people appreciate the Queen’s life of dedication to public service, while young people think she’s the author of their favorite adventure hero, Harry Windsor.
Prince Harry flew his Apache helicopter over an enemy camp and killed the Taliban commander with a missile Friday. The Taliban is so frustrated. They can’t kill Harry and they can’t blackmail him by threatening to publish nude photos of him or his sister-in-law.
Bartender’s Guide issued its annual survey of the international bar scene Monday. It showed two things. Luxembourg consumes more alcohol than any other country in the world, in addition, Luxembourg has the most beautiful women in the world after midnight.
Hugh Hefner disclosed Monday he will marry Crystal Harris on New Year’s Eve at the Playboy Mansion. He stays busy locally with his charity work. Hugh Hefner works with doctors to provide free plastic surgery to women in Los Angeles when they turn twenty-six.
U.S. Olympic runner Suzy Favor-Hamilton said Friday she moonlighted as a Las Vegas call girl who sold sex for six hundred dollars an hour.
Reaction was swift. On Monday she was fired as a spokewoman for Disney but she was hired as a party planner for the GSA.
The NRA reported getting thousands of new applicants a day Friday since the White House called for gun control. WalMart stores are selling out of guns. The Automobile Dealers of America just issued a plea to President Obama asking him to call for car control.
President Obama played his one hundredth round of golf since taking office Monday in Hawaii. The polls are divided. Twenty percent of Americans approve of the president playing lots of golf but sixty percent believe that the ball is heading in the wrong direction.
Pope Benedict called for peace in Syria and throughout the Mideast in his Christmas message Tuesday. His words were quickly backed up. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton promptly called for a cease-fire in Syria in order to allow the United States to invade Iran.
The White House told the Pentagon to begin planning for the half-trillion in defense cuts in January. It happens if fiscal cliff talks remained stalled. By the time they’re finished cutting defense, the Department of Defense will be headquartered in the Triangle.
CBS News ran a poll Tuesday asking people to state Santa Claus’s political party. The opinion split. Republicans say Santa’s a Democrat because he hands out free stuff, and Democrats say he’s a Republican because he’s an old white guy who runs a non-union shop.
David Gregory displayed a 30-round magazine on Meet the Press, which brought the Washington D.C. cops to the NBC studio. It’s illegal to have a high-round magazine in the nation’s capital. When news broke that David Gregory was caught with a magazine that’s illegal in D.C.
everyone just assumed that his mother found a National Review under his bed.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.