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The feds offer equal-opportunity spying
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HOLLYWOOD - God bless America, and how’s everybody?
Washington D.C., will host a event in August marking the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s speech on the Mall urging an end to discrimination. We’ve come a long way. Fifty years later, regardless of race, creed or color, every American is spied on equally.
Man of Steel was a huge box office hit Sunday starring Henry Cavill as Superman. The actors playing Superman, Batman and Spiderman are all from Britain. The Republican Party is just a constitutional amendment away from nominating Prince Harry for president
President Obama agreed to arm Syrian rebels Friday. The U.S. backs the rebels, who include al-Qaeda, but Russia and Iran back Syria, including Hezbollah. Obama decided to take sides in the conflict after Chicago sued Syria for doing its act on the news every night.
Capitol Hill lawmakers split over NSA spying on Americans Monday with liberals and libertarians in alliance against it. The president backs the spying. Republicans are mad at Obama because it’s not Bush while Democrats are mad at Obama because it’s not Obama.
Nazi SS commander Michael Karcoc was tracked down in Minneapolis Sunday where he’s been hiding since World War II. He’s 94 years old. His defense lawyer is claiming that his parents brought him here illegally and he’s just trying to get an education.
The Senate debated the immigration bill Monday that allows Mexican illegals to stay in the U.S. indefinitely. It also lets Canadian snowbirds stay in the U.S. if they own five hundred grand in real estate. This way, Democrats and Republicans break even in Arizona.
The Supreme Court struck down Arizona’s law requiring new voters to provide proof of citizenship. The court said it’s enough that they signed the registration form under penalty of perjury. It requires them to swear that they are U.S. citizens on their word as Englishmen.
Secret Service agents with the president at the summit in rural Northern Ireland this week disguised themselves in overalls and drove tractors to blend in with locals. The ploy didn’t work. The Cole-Haans gave them away and the hookers charged them full price.
Barack Obama backed a trans-Atlantic free-trade deal Sunday. It ends the high tariff put on Europe when Lincoln took office that prompted secession. Obama announced for president in front of Lincoln’s statue, and if he were any less like Lincoln, he’d be Douglas.
Iran elected a new president Sunday who claims to be a positive agent of change and a political moderate. All candidates are pre-approved by the ruling Ayatollah and the mullah. An optimist in Iran is anyone who stays up late to see how the election came out.
FBI agents searched under a house north of Detroit Monday when they got a tip that Jimmy Hoffa was buried there. The feds never learn. About every four years a guy in Michigan wins a bar bet that he can get a swimming pool hole dug in his back yard for free.
Kim Kardashian gave birth to a baby girl Saturday after the reality show star induced labor four weeks before her due date. It was medically necessary. William and Kate are having the royal baby in a month and there’s only so much tabloid money to go around.
New England Patriots’ owner Robert Kraft said Vladimir Putin walked away with his Super Bowl ring after he showed it to Putin during a Kremlin visit. There’s an explanation for it. Until Vladimir’s divorce is final he has to be careful how much he spends on jewelry.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at