God bless America, and how’s everybody?
West Virginia suffered a chemical spill on the Elk River Friday which forced the mayor of Charleston to shut down municipal services. The toxic spill poisoned the water and fouled the air. Charleston residents are furious at the mayor for not endorsing Chris Christie.
The Hollywood Reporter said Richard Pryor’s life will be made into a movie. The great comic let us young comics hang out at his house in the late ‘70s. On any given Sunday, you could never tell if Richard was going through cocaine withdrawal of if he just really hated cats.
The White House fired Obamacare website designer CGI Federal on Friday and hired Accenture to fix the website. Enrolling has been a nightmare. Some people say they had to sit at the computer for nine straight hours, breaking the old record set by Anthony Weiner.
Louisville hired Bobby Petrino as coach despite his past sex scandal at Arkansas. The school’s basketball coach Rick Pitino had sex with a woman on a local restaurant table after closing. No Yankee Puritanism is going to spoil the South’s cultural exchange with Italy.
ABC News says Hitler’s Mein Kampf is a huge hit with Amazon downloaders. He’s like all writers. If Adolf Hitler were alive today, he would be one 124 years old, and threatening to wipe Amazon off the map if they didn’t give him a bigger royalty.
The New York Post ran photos of Anne Hathaway on the beach in Oahu after she nearly was drowned by a riptide that also caused her to cut her toe on a reef. Photos showed her husband sucking on her toe to keep the cut clean. That’s their story and they ‘re sticking to it.
Denver pot shops ran out of marijuana due to demand ten days after legalization last week. It’s crazy. Peyton Manning’s decision last year to buy 17 pizza outlets in Denver is being compared on Wall Street to Warren Buffett’s decision to buy Wal-Mart stock.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is under fire over lane closures on the George Washington Bridge that kept people from going to New York. Too bad he’s not the California governor. If Christie caused lane closures that kept people from going to a Lakers game, he’d be a hero.
Governor Chris Christie held a two-hour news conference Thursday where he denied wrongdoing on the bridge closures. He fired people whose e-mails implicated them. He insisted that he’s not a bully, and he threatened to beat up any reporter who says otherwise.
Governor Chris Christie took responsibility for his staffer who screwed up traffic in Ft. Lee out of political revenge. When he heard that under his staff’s orders, state workers were blocking the bridge, he was furious. He thought they said they were blocking the fridge.
Iran’s regime urged couples to have sex and more children Friday. The mullahs want to double Iran’s population. All they have to do is legalize alcohol and Dennis Rodman will bring his team of former NBA players to Iran and they’ll have that birthrate through the roof.
Duck Dynasty airs tomorrow with the return of Phil Robertson to take on American Idol and the return of Jennifer Lopez. Let the merchandising begin. Duck Dynasty just released its own line of wines, suggesting white wine with varmints, red wine with critters.
The Labor Department reported Friday 92 million Americans are unemployed including those who have given up looking for work. A recent medical study says that inactivity can kill you. Those are the kind of findings that might scare the hell out of Congress.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.